What Kind of People?

Between twitter hackers and computer excitement (hd wiped out - lost everything) and two (2) new roommates moving in at about the same time, it has been an amazingly busy several days with little time for writing but perhaps that's not so bad. Thoughts have had free flow and I'm beginning to know what I want to say.

Often, I find myself radically at odds with the world around me. There is that which is obviously wrong and that which is almost going in the right direction but is off, just enough, so that it's obvious it will not reach the goal. And then there is that which has no real goal in mind but only likes to be with the "winning" team. I certainly have no patent on all or much of anything that is right. All I have is what I might call an interior compass that pokes at me when things are off and it's been poking and jabbing a lot recently. We know there are some major problems in our country and can delineate what many of those problems are. But those problems are too often with others and not with ourselves. And that's deadly. Because even if we do "fix" the problems within our government and schools and families we will have only replaced one set of problems with another; joyless puritanism could easily replace sterile licentiousness in our culture.

In my current reading of the Bible as if it is one book (and I didn't even skip through the Wisdom of Solomon - a dreary read), I am in the midst of Isaiah, "the Book of Consolation," which consists of the chapters numbered 40 and higher. God's people, who have been in exile, are coming home. When I studied the Book of Isaiah, exile had come as a result of Israel's failure to care for widows and orphans and the strangers in their midst. Studying under Anglicans in the mid 1990s, Isaiah was a book about the results of social justice first and then idolatry. Certainly both are central themes but this time I discovered another theme that permeates the book and cannot be escaped: Israel's lack of gratitude. It is their failure to thank God that leads them to idolatry: Israel must be grateful to the living God so as to withstand the immense temptations to idolatry that surrounded them in every other country and culture. It is their failure to thank God that leads them to social injustice: Israel must be grateful to God so as to remember that they came from no people and God has made them His people, that they were once wanderers in need of help and God helped them. Unless Israel remains mindful that all they are and have comes from God, unless Israel is faithful in thanking God, they will return to idolatry and social injustice and exile.

The Civil War was fought to determine whether the Union would be preserved. We are in a war now, not to preserve our Union but to determine what kind of people we will be. Thus far, this war has been dramatically different and I beg you to plead with God that it continue without anymore violence than we have already experienced. This country has much in common with pre-exilic Israel. We were founded as a place to worship God in peace. Our Constitution and our laws exist so as to prevent governemnt from interfering with us worshiping God.* How we worship HIm varies to a greater or lesser extent depending upon our religious faith, but even the founding fathers would have admonished us to thank God at all times and in all ways. To thank Him for preserving us. To thank Him for endowing us with such bounty. To thank Him for giving us a home where we can worship Him in peace. And if we are to win this war, I mean really win it, we must become The People Who Thank God. Though the world think us crazy, we must thank God. Whatever the cost, we must thank God. Regardless our denominations and other differences, we must thank God.

Look to Abraham your father and to Sarah who bore you; for when he was but one I called him, and I blessed him and made him many.
For the LORD will comfort Zion; he will comfort all her waste places, and will make her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the LORD; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song.
"Listen to me, my people, and give ear to me, my nation; for a law will go forth from me, and my justice for a light to the peoples.
My deliverance draws near speedily, my salvation has gone forth, and my arms will rule the peoples; the coastlands wait for me, and for my arm they hope.
Lift up your eyes to the heavens, and look at the earth beneath; for the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment, and they who dwell in it will die like gnats; but my salvation will be for ever, and my deliverance will never be ended.
"Hearken to me, you who know righteousness, the people in whose heart is my law; fear not the reproach of men, and be not dismayed at their revilings.
For the moth will eat them up like a garment, and the worm will eat them like wool; but my deliverance will be for ever, and my salvation to all generations." (Isaiah 51:2-8)

* It is silly to imagine that the founding fathers would have had any patience with the argument that what is worshipping God to one person is, to another, a woman's right to choose and that the latter must take precedent. The founding fathers were steeped in Natural Law: any woman who sought to kill her own child would have been considered, at best, mad, at worst, possessed.

Making A Name for Oneself

When he encounters death, Gilgamesh, the tragic hero of the Epic of Gilgamesh, one of the oldest pieces of literature man has written, realizes there is only one thing to do, make a name for himself while he is here on earth. So the great Sumerian king builds cities and monuments so that even though he will die, he will not be forgotten. This idea of making a name for oneself is one of those things that accompanies being human; when human history begins, we are concerned, even consumed with this desire to continue even after death.

In Genesis this human desire is addressed in a profoundly different way: Abraham is convinced he will have no heir since Sarah, his wife, is barren. But God promises that Sarah will, in fact, bear him a son, that Abraham's name will be known for all times, that he will be the father of a great nation, that they will be a light to all the nations. Here, for the first time, we see how God responds to the human desire to make a name for ourselves.

The House of Representatives passed the Pelosi-Reid healthcare bill this evening even though three Democrat congressional leaders said they could not guarantee the amendments to prevent funding abortions would be in the final bill on which the Senate will vote. They passed it even though it provides for "end of life care" (death panels) and governmental oversight of medical decisions and jail time for those who choose not to participate and the wholesale distribution of suffering and death. They passed it knowing it is bad law. They passed it knowing it is unconstitutional law. They passed it knowing it is illegal and wrong.

Many of our elected officials have promised to fundamentally change healthcare in the United States. They have promised to redistribute wealth by taking our money and giving it to others as an act of law, without our consent. They have promised to fundamentally change the United States itself. These people have promised to make names for themselves. Names that will outlast their deaths. Names that will go down in history and never be forgotten.

When we are baptized into the Body of Christ, the promise Isaiah speaks is fulfilled: God writes our names on the palms of His hands. We need no longer make names for ourselves. That job is done. In Christ, we are given a Name we cannot create for ourselves. We are called as Christ's own forever; we are given Christ's Name for our very own.

We must respond to the House of Representatives. This must not go unaddressed. But we must also stop to consider that many of those politicians who voted to harm us, to harm the sick and elderly, to slaughter infants in their mother's wombs and to use our money to pay for it all are Christians and all of them are children of God. They do not leave off being Christians because they refuse to follow Christ. They do not leave off being Christian because they choose to follow their own way. Baptism cannot be undone. But we can choose damnation.

And so we must look at this and remember, choosing damnation means that we do not see that our names written on the palms of God's hands. Choosing damnation means we are left alone, desperately trying to make names for ourselves. We either accept the Name of Christ or we erect filthy monuments on the backs of slaves and infants and the weak. One may look back and say, I made that. But the monuments we construct to ourselves are ugly and destructive.

Please, please, please pray that those who voted for this bill that they know will cause great harm will hear that God is calling them by name; pray that they will repent. Pray for this nation, pray for those who are frenetically embroiled in trying to make names for themselves. And pray for those who seek to follow Christ, to accept the Name that is above every name. Pray that we will be faithful and will endure until the end.

40 Days for Freedom: A Post I'd Rather Not Write

I have no photos of my mother. She died when I was so young. I survived with my life, with the clothes on my back - alone, abandoned, left in God's care. And God has done well. God has done very well. I might be a bitter, cruel woman intent on exacting revenge on a world that stole so much from me. Instead I am happy, joyous, full of life and wonder and gratitude. I know God loves me. I know people love me. I know my parents' faith was not in vain; my legacy is Christ Himself and He has been, is, will always be everything they wanted for me and so much more.

But sometimes, especially since my health has declined, I miss them. I miss them so much. I miss Marmar in particular. There are days I just barely drag myself through and I wish she was here with me. There are nights, such as tonight, when I can't sleep and I long for her presence. Several years ago, a friend gave me a Madonna and Child medal that I wore on a silver chain about my neck. When I felt nervous or lonely, I fingered it. Sometimes friends would glance over at me and see it balanced on my nose - I don't know why I'd do that, I just did. It comforted me and actually did remind me of my mother. I no longer have that medal.


Yesterday I went to D.C. After the rally, we were invited to stop by our representative's offices and I wanted to pay a visit to Nancy Pelosi. Many others did as well and I found myself straggling along behind several new friends. As I walked, I felt I wanted to give her something and wished I had brought a Miraculous Medal for her. Then I remembered the medal around my neck. At first I was appalled to think of giving it to her. But then I knew, she really needs a mother far more than I do. So I decided if I got in and if there was an opportunity, I'd give it to her.

We weren't allowed to just go into the Speaker's office. We were told to keep against the right wall and wait; she wasn't accepting visitors. Some said they wanted us to go away but we had come to visit her and weren't leaving. When told we could leave notes for the Speaker on a table, we began to write. I asked one of the many armed guards if I might leave the speaker a gift? I showed them my medal and asked if she would get it. They were hesitant. My new friends said she wouldn't appreciate it. But I asked, does she need it? They replied, Yes. Yes, she did need it. I wrote my note and waited.

Finally they allowed us to go into the office four at a time and sign the guestbook. When it was my turn, I asked the young man behind the desk if I the Speaker would receive the medal. He said he'd take it and pass it on. His demeanor was one of disdain, distance. Someone said the staff hadn't been prepared for this and I quite believed it just looking at that young man's closed demeanor. I took off my medal, handed it to him and told him about losing my mother and being given the medal as a reminder but that I thought Speaker Pelosi needed a mother more than I did. I asked him to tell her about it.

She does need it. She so badly needs it. I miss my medal, it's abscence is a searing pain. But neither Marmar's nor Our Blessed Mother's love are in that medal. I miss only an accustomed reminder. But what does Nancy Pelosi miss? How hard her heart must be?

I keep thinking and having the impression that she doesn't care, that she no longer values her soul. I keep having the impression that the thing to do is let her and those like her go the way they've chosen; to leave them to God's mercy and give my energy to those who simply don't know what to do in this bizarro world version of the United States.

Fasting means going without. It's been pretty easy for me to go without that chocolate as long as I don't think about it. It is not so easy to forget my medal; I feel exposed. But if that's what it takes to become the kind of person who does her part to care for the immense gift God has given me as a citizen of the United States, then I'll fast from my medal.

And I remain a hopeful beast: I'll hope God uses it to touch some person's life. Our Mother is exceedingly capable and the Sacred Heart is on the back of the medal so it's just chock full of reminders, of powerful blasts of God's love. And the Holy Father blessed it when he came to New York so there's even more powerful goodness waiting to call someone, maybe many someones back to life.

"Lord God, have mercy on what you have fashioned, have mercy on the children of men, have mercy on you own image." from the Apocalypse of Paul (4th Century)

Help Draw the Line: No Tax $ for Abortions!

United States Conference of Catholic Bishops
3211 FOURTH STREET NE  WASHINGTON DC 20017-1194  202-541-3100  FAX 202-541-3166

USCCB NATIONWIDE BULLETIN INSERT
Tell Congress: Remove Abortion Funding & Mandates from Needed Health Care Reform
Congress is preparing to debate health care reform legislation on the House and Senate floors.
Genuine health care reform should protect the life and dignity of all people from the moment of
conception until natural death. The U.S. bishops’ conference has concluded that all committeeapproved
bills are seriously deficient on the issues of abortion and conscience, and do not provide
adequate access to health care for immigrants and the poor. The bills will have to change or the
bishops have pledged to oppose them.
Our nation is at a crossroads. Policies adopted in health care reform will have an impact for good or
ill for years to come. None of the bills retains longstanding current policies against abortion funding
or abortion coverage mandates, and none fully protects conscience rights in health care.
As the U.S. bishops’ letter of October 8 states:
“No one should be required to pay for or participate in abortion. It is essential that the
legislation clearly apply to this new program longstanding and widely supported federal
restrictions on abortion funding and mandates, and protections for rights of conscience.
No current bill meets this test…. If acceptable language in these areas cannot be found,
we will have to oppose the health care bill vigorously.”
For the full text of this letter and more information on proposed legislation and the bishops’ advocacy
for authentic health care reform, visit: www.usccb.org/healthcare.
Congressional leaders are attempting to put together final bills for floor consideration. Please contact
your Representative and Senators today and urge them to fix these bills with the pro-life amendments
noted below. Otherwise much needed health care reform will have to be opposed. Health care reform
should be about saving lives, not destroying them.
ACTION: Contact Members through e-mail, phone calls or FAX letters.
 To send a pre-written, instant e-mail to Congress go to www.usccb.org/action.
 Call the U.S. Capitol switchboard at: 202-224-3121, or call your Members’ local offices.
 Full contact info can be found on Members’ web sites at House of Reprsentaties & senate
MESSAGE to SENATE:
“During floor debate on the health care reform bill, please support an amendment to
incorporate longstanding policies against abortion funding and in favor of conscience rights.
If these serious concerns are not addressed, the final bill should be opposed.”
MESSAGE to HOUSE:
“Please support the Stupak Amendment that addresses essential pro-life concerns on abortion
funding and conscience rights in the health care reform bill. Help ensure that the Rule for the
bill allows a vote on this amendment. If these serious concerns are not addressed, the final bill
should be opposed.”
WHEN: Both House and Senate are preparing for floor votes now. Act today! Thank you!

Day Six of 40 Days for Freedom - More Questions

Henry asks, "How can we who claim to love Christ not love what He loves?" That's my question too. And, like any five year-old, I have more questions:

Is it coincidence that so many groups of people came to this country to worship God freely? Is it a coincidence that Maryland was founded by Catholics who wanted to worship God freely? Is it a coincidence that Rhode Island and Pennsylvania and Massachucetts and New Jersey - in fact the original thirteen colonies were settled as "plantations of religion" or "holy experiments" or by entrpreneurs who worked to promote the prosperity of the church? Was the Holy Spirit doing something? Was God perhaps bringing His children together for some purpose? And if so, as their heirs, have we any responsibilities today?

Perhaps I should just ask the obvious question: does Christ love our nation?* And if so, are we required to love what He loves?

In this video, Rep. Foxx speaks of reasons for us to be afraid. I'm not suggesting we should be afraid of anything except the damnation of our souls. I do ask, does this matter to us as Christians? Does it matter in terms of loving what Christ loves?



* This question is not asking, does Christ only love our nation and no other? Nor is it suggesting that if Christ loves our nation then we never commit sins or make mistakes or foul things up. It's simply asking if Christ loves our nation.

** I'm off to DC because Pelosi's HC bill is more than a tax hike. It's a means to distribute death and suffering amongst us all. Pray for me. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

A Query for Day Five of Forty Days for Freedom

I have a serious query: How can we hope to love the City of God if we don't love and cherish this city, where God has placed us now? Is it even necessary to love and cherish this city? Is loving and cherishing this city incompatible with longing for the City of God?

I'd love any answers, reflections, thoughts, ideas on this. There is the question Jesus asks, if we are not faithful in small matters how can we be faithful in large? Is that applicable?

Thanks for pondering this question with me.

PS - I'm heading down to DC tomorrow to join Thursday's peaceful protest against the Pelosi HC "reform" bill. Please pray for me, particularly since it's been a rough two weeks: searching for a new roommate and not feeling at all well. But I think, if I can make it, I must.

More Joy In Heaven Over One Repentant Sinner...

...so let us rejoice here on earth too!

Consider This - Seriously

Day Three of 40 Days for Freedom

It has been a long day Three of 40 Days for Freedom, much of it quite lovely though exhausting, and I'm squeaking in just under the wire. I'm making this post because it speaks to why 40 Days for Freedom is so important. What actually does happen if people just walk away? What if people say, No, I will not participate any longer? What if we close ourselves off from each other?

When I think of the work we are asking God to prepare us for, that is it. That we will say Yes! That we will continue to engage and hope and struggle through these difficult times, these times that so many find so dark. We know, wherever our Lord is, darkness is not dark to him, the night is as bright as rhe day. The question is, will we share that fact with those who don't know? With those who are growing more and more despondent?

Day Two of Forty Days for Freedom

This clip is important whether or not one political. In fact, I don't see any difference between the political and spiritual. The spiritual warfare we fight has been on the physical plain since the Garden and was consumated on the Cross. We battle powers and principalities who use wicked men and women to kill infants and the sick and elderly, who use wicked men and women to try to take from us our freedom to worship God in holiness and righteousness.

So I recommend this clip and if you feel so moved, join us in Washington, DC this Thursday, Nov. 5th at noon. Wouldn't it be awesome if a group of us descended on the Capitol and prayed for our nation and for ourselves, that we might cherish the gift that God has given us, that He might heal us. If I'm well enough, I'll be there.

Day One of Forty Days

It is my intent to post each day for the next forty days. Today, I have been writing a post on prayer but can't get it ready before the end of the day. I may not like the feel of it but I must obey reality as much as everyone else. My joints aren't at all happy and I am terribly, terribly tired. God tends to take as He please from me, so perhaps this is the way He wants me to spend day one.*

Oh, and for those who haven't done so, I want to recommend my post on hope. Enduring, I'll stick with you no matter where you take me sort of hope is what we need.

Meanwhile know that I am praying and fasting and soon, resting for the remainder of the day. We'll see what tomorrow brings. God bless us all.

*It's certainly my pleasure and my honour that God does so. I belong to Him, what else would I want?

God Gave Us The Freedom to Laugh Too!

Just click and be joyful!

How Do We Even Begin to Decide Whom To Act As Our Representatives

So many Catholics and other Christians fail to interact in the public forum. But when power is vested in the citizens, the public forum is the primary place in which government occurs; we cannot expect a representative govenment to be responsive to us if we remain silent. And, we cannot expect a representative government to be responsive to us if we limit our interchange to those who are like us: those who belong to my faith, those who belong to my particular tradition within my faith. We can only keep the freedom to worship God if we actually participate across all levels of society. We must do real things in the real world such as speak our minds. The Internet is a powerful tool for doing so, if we know how to use it. So here's a question:

Poll: Would You Support Jim Demint for President if Nominated by the GOP in 2012?

Please vote based on what you know of Jim DeMint. If you don't know who Sen. DeMint is, here is his site site which includes videos of his speeches before the Senate and the press. Also, read his voting record (just scroll down). He's impressive on life issues and conservative issues in general.

Please click the link and vote yes or no. The poll is anonymous and is only being used amongst a few bloggers to determine the amount of support there is for Senator DeMint.

Fasting: Why Not Give Up A Food

After air and water, food is the first, most basic thing we need in order to survive. Most of us love it, and well we should. Jesus describes the Kingdom of Heaven as a feast. In the developed world, most of us do not understand the power the word feast conveys. But if you’ve ever been hungry, you do.

When I was a girl there were locks on the food cupboards and refrigerator. Eating food was a crime except when, what and in the amount my foster-father determined. Until I began working at the age of twelve, I was hungry most of the time. Having a sick digestive tract made it all the worse because I often vomited and so lost what I ate. The only snack I was offered was raw apples. I just happen to be one of those rare people who are allergic to raw apples, they cause me to have asthma attacks. But my foster-father didn’t believe in allergies, at least not for me, so I gave my apple to one of my foster brothers. Vomiting meant I should “rest my stomach” so I was given two saltine crackers and a cup of clear broth.

You must understand, when I say I was hungry, I don’t mean I was politely interested in food, I was terribly, terribly hungry with a swollen stomach and thin limbs. I was very underweight, couldn’t sleep, had headaches all the time, was anaemic. I tried to feed myself by making pancakes by adding water to the flour and salt that were left out in canisters on the counter – without butter or oil, they just stuck to the pan in lumps. On those rare occasions that the cookie jar was left on the counter, I’d try to take just one or two so there wouldn’t be a noticeable diminution but always found myself sneaking back and eating as many as I could – once or twice, nearly the entire jar.* A few times I found the pantry unlocked and was mesmerized by all the food. It was beautiful and I always spent a few moments just looking at it and smelling it. You’d be amazed at how wonderful a raw potato smells or how delicious a hard green banana can be. Once I ate an entire tin of tomato aspic because, for some reason, I thought it would be the least missed item. But finding a jar of cookies left on the counter or the pantry unlocked were rare so I usually ate dry dog food. It was the only food kept in an unlocked cupboard. When my foster-mother found some in my pocket, I told her I was using it to train the dog. I even created an advertising campaign in my mind: Crispy Treats! Packed with nutrition and flavour! I could never come up with a jingle though.

When I did begin working, I spent a good amount of what I earned on food for myself and my foster-siblings. There were many lunch and ice cream cone treats. I bought snacks. And I ate – sausages on a roll, pastrami sandwiches, Hostess pies and Snowballs, candy bars, avocados, corn chips, bananas – food, amazing food. And, after my foster-mother died, for a year or so, when I was Cinderella, I was given the keys to the food cupboard and expected to keep the food safe. It is only now that I have begun to realize how horrid that was. The cruelty of giving me keys to the food and expecting me to remain hungry and to allow my foster-siblings to go hungry is unspeakable. I had reason to loathe them, to despise them, but not to starve them, just to wish they’d go away and leave me alone.

There was always plenty of food. Each day, we’d watch my foster-father eat whatever he wanted. He’d regularly bring home donuts and cake and all sorts of goodies for himself and his wife. But only small amounts of them trickled down to us. After my foster mother died, there were times when my foster-father would leave on business trips without having done the marketing. There would be no food in the house and we didn’t know when he would return. But the lack wasn’t a lack of money. It was a failure to use his money to feed us. When he left us alone, my foster brothers stole food and eventually, so did I. I went shopping. Put food in the basket just as if I was making a regular shopping trip and then bagged it in an unwatched corner. After bagging, I’d push the cart to the back and ask to use the lavatory. The manager would graciously watch my groceries. I’d spend the time in the toilet begging God not to be caught. Then I’d come out, thank the manager and take my groceries home.

I tell you this bit from my childhood to stimulate your own elemental needs and longings for food. Food is beautiful. Very beautiful. So why not give some favourite bit of beautiful food up? Giving up food is the usual meaning of the concept of fasting. It would be foolish, with no preparation, to go on a juice or water fast. But what about giving up one favourite food? Coffee or orange juice or your morning muffin or dessert? Those who are sick should be very careful about giving up food. Instead, we can perhaps substitute some food that has the same nutrition for a food that we love or forego a treat we don’t need. (I’ve decided to freeze the huge slab of chocolate I got for my birthday – I can wait 40 days to finish eating it.)

So that’s my suggestion for today. Plan to give up a food. Doing so is a way of clearing a path within our selves for the Lord. We are so separated from our bodies – there are too many of us who live in fantastic worlds generated in our own minds, worlds with no connection with the real world God has made. Such are the people who would deprive us of freedom. But we aren’t deprived. We can choose to give up some food to help us make way for the kind of hunger that we need. Because we do need to be hungry – for freedom, the freedom God has provided us by giving us citizenship in this country, the freedom to worship Him in holiness and righteousness. We must be as hungry for freedom as the pilgrims, as our founding fathers, as Christ Himself: Didn’t he die for our freedom?

[I]f my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)

* Please don’t think for one moment that I was a good little girl and ‘fessed up to my thefts. When the shout rang out, “Who ate all the cookies!” I kept my mouth closed and allowed one of my foster siblings to take the blame and the punishment.

40 Days For Freedom

At the 2009 United Nations Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen from December 7 through December 18, a treaty will be offered, in which signatories cede their sovereignty to a world government, one that does not yet exist and for which we will have no vote. First, and remember this, this is the United States so President Obama's signature is not enough to cede sovereignty, the treaty must be ratified by two-thirds of both houses of Congress. So we won’t immediately find ourselves ruled by the U.N. But his signature would send the message that many Americans actually want world government, that many of us want to give up governing ourselves and be governed by U.N. committees that we aren’t allowed to elect.

We live in a republic. It’s not a democracy though we do have a representative form of government. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a republic as a government in which supreme power resides in a body of citizens entitled to vote and is exercised by elected officers and representatives responsible to them and governing according to law. We hold the supreme power. We govern ourselves. Our elected officials and representatives serve us. We, ourselves, are responsible for our public lives (and private too) within the boundaries of the Constitution of the United States of America. Though Catholics (and other Christians) are taught to obey the state, what do we do when we are the state? The Catechism of the Catholic Church tells us:

1915 As far as possible citizens should take an active part in public life. The manner of this participation may vary from one country or culture to another. "One must pay tribute to those nations whose systems permit the largest possible number of the citizens to take part in public life in a climate of genuine freedom."(1)

We live in the nation where “the largest possible number of the citizens [] take part in public life in a climate of genuine freedom.” That’s the gift God has given American citizens. And we are responsible to Him for what we do with this gift. We must decide whether we will be the light of the world, [a] city set on a hill or if we will set our light under a bushel. We must decide if we will let all see []our good works and give glory to []our Father who is in heaven. This is a Catholic issue. This is a Baptist issue. It is a Methodist and Evangelical and Non-denominational issue. This is a Christian issue. This is an issue of what we are in our very essence, creatures whose work is to glorify God.

We are in a time of great anxiety and fear: there is much corruption in both parties; we are governed by bullies and thugs, by the greedy and the selfish and the envious. In fact, the exceptions are those who humbly serve us. Along with the freedom God has given us comes the responsibility to act to address the fraud and corruption that “are incompatible with the requirements of justice.”(2) Corruption is not a party issue, it is a human issue, an issue of original sin. I believe many of us want to act but we don’t really know what to do. From this day, I pledge to make this blog a place that points out actions we can take. Often, they will be things I myself am doing. We all know I’m sick so if I can do it, then practically anyone else can too. Fallen Sparrow is also working on this project with me (3) and in fact suggested the first act.

And he fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterward he was hungry. (Matthew 4:2)

Let’s begin with a 40 Day Fast For Freedom. Let’s become hungry too. Hungry to do the jobs God has given us, to do the work for freedom. It’s quite simple: the United Nations Climate Change Conference begins on December 7. On October 30th, we begin 40 days of fasting, sacrifice and prayer for freedom. Our fast will culminate on December 8th, which Catholics and some other Christians celebrate as the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. We might pray the Rosary, or the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, or the Lord's Prayer, pray extemporaneously, or just set aside a period of five or ten minutes each day to pray the Psalms: Psalm 127 comes to mind first. But also Psalms 23, 51, 54, 55 and 138 through 143 come to mind as particularly appropriate. People might come together in groups to pray (and groups are a powerful way to battle fear).

Fasting and sacrifice can be just as simple. For those same 40 days, give up a an hour of TV to read Scripture. Spend time writing or calling your Congressman and Senators (4) instead of going shopping. Give up a favourite food or beverage. Choose something simple to do or give up for the next 40 days. Follow our Lord into the desert so that we might each be prepared to do the job of preserving the freedom He has given us. Copy the people of Nineveh whom our Lord praised.(5) Let’s join together as a nation in prayer, sacrifice and fasting humbly begging God to grant us what we need to reclaim and preserve our freedom.

Let us make a special offering of ourselves, through prayer and sacrifice, on November 3rd, election day. Several important elections are taking place that day throughout the country: governor's races in Virginia and New Jersey, a special Congressional election in New York State, a gay marriage ballot question in Maine, and countless local and municipal elections nationwide. Pray that God's will and a spirit of freedom guide the electorate in those races.

We have been promised freedom. The freedom to worship God in holiness and righteousness. That’s why the pilgrims came to these shores, for the freedom to worship God in holiness and righteousness. That’s why we have the first amendment to the Constitution, that we might be free to worship God in holiness and righteousness. And we know, if we think about it for the merest second, most of the world does not have such freedom. Most of the world is constrained to worship God as their states dictate. Why would we trust those who do not even allow their own citizens the freedom to worship God in holiness and righteousness with imposing a world government on us? How foolish we would be to trade the freedom God has given us for the tyranny of the United Nations.

"Blessed be the Lord God of Israel,
for he has visited and redeemed his people,
and has raised up a horn of salvation for us
in the house of his servant David,
as he spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets from of old,
that we should be saved from our enemies,
and from the hand of all who hate us;
to perform the mercy promised to our fathers,
and to remember his holy covenant,
the oath which he swore to our father Abraham,
to grant us that we, being delivered from the hand of our enemies,
might serve him without fear,
in holiness and righteousness before him all the days of our life.
And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High;
for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways,
to give knowledge of salvation to his people
in the forgiveness of their sins,
through the tender mercy of our God,
when the day shall dawn upon us from on high
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the way of peace." (Luke 1:68-79)

(1) The Catechism of the Catholic Church
(2) Please make further suggestions for prayers in the comments box.
(3) Others, who would like to participate, please email me @ allisurdatgmaildotcom (replace the usual)
(4) You can find your representatives at: http://www.govtrack.us/
(5) Matthew 12:41

I figured out how to connect to Twitter!

Now, if I send any exciting tweets, they'll appear in the little window. Of course, my mundane tweets will appear there too but you'll just ignore those - right?

Refreshing Biblical Times

Every few years, I read the entire Bible as if it is one book. Beginning with Genesis, I continue on through Revelations. It is a practice I began when I was just five, before anyone taught me that I was supposed to understand what I read before I read it. Perhaps that first experience of reading something that I couldn't understand very well prepared me to ignore my teachers much of the time, which is what I usually did at least until I became a wise teenager. They didn't make much sense and most of them didn't seem to konw God (my litmus test for wisdom). I tried to take the knowledge they could impart and use it to go my own way - I wasn't an easy child.

I strongly reccomend reading the Bible in this fashion as well as studying particular books, reading the lessons in the Divine office, reading and rereading particular, perhaps favourite passages - as well as reading Scripture any way you normally would. One finds the Bible is exciting, more exciting than any novel. It's a history of God's relationship with His people. The Bible shows us so much about them and how they are just like us. It is filled with human beings who are as wicked as we are, as good as we are, significantly better than we are - we can see that we are God's people; He has chosen to continue the story in our lives. The Bible belongs to us and we would be wise to listen to what God is telling us through it.

I am a very fast reader and usually make it through the entire Bible in a month to six weeks. Because my illness affects memory, concentration and other cognitive functions, it will probably take me two years or more this time - I began sometime last year and am only now at Isaiah. That seems to be a blessing because my limited focus is on one chapter or less at each reading and new things jump out at me, old favourites reveal new depths. Isaiah is one of my all time favourite books. A portion of the chapter I read this morning seems quite timely so here it is. Read and be refreshed. May God bless all those who come here.

[12] "I, I am he that comforts you;
who are you that you are afraid of man who dies,
of the son of man who is made like grass,
[13] and have forgotten the LORD, your Maker,
who stretched out the heavens
and laid the foundations of the earth,
and fear continually all the day
because of the fury of the oppressor,
when he sets himself to destroy?
And where is the fury of the oppressor?
[14] He who is bowed down shall speedily be released;
he shall not die and go down to the Pit,
neither shall his bread fail.
[15] For I am the LORD your God,
who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar --
the LORD of hosts is his name.
[16] And I have put my words in your mouth,
and hid you in the shadow of my hand,
stretching out the heavens
and laying the foundations of the earth,
and saying to Zion, `You are my people.'"
[17] Rouse yourself, rouse yourself,
stand up, O Jerusalem,
you who have drunk at the hand of the LORD
the cup of his wrath,
who have drunk to the dregs
the bowl of staggering.
[18] There is none to guide her
among all the sons she has borne;
there is none to take her by the hand
among all the sons she has brought up.
[19] These two things have befallen you --
who will condole with you? --
devastation and destruction, famine and sword;
who will comfort you?
[20] Your sons have fainted,
they lie at the head of every street
like an antelope in a net;
they are full of the wrath of the LORD,
the rebuke of your God.
[21] Therefore hear this, you who are afflicted,
who are drunk, but not with wine:
[22] Thus says your Lord, the LORD,
your God who pleads the cause of his people:
"Behold, I have taken from your hand the cup of staggering;
the bowl of my wrath
you shall drink no more;
[23] and I will put it into the hand of your tormentors,
who have said to you,
`Bow down, that we may pass over';
and you have made your back like the ground
and like the street for them to pass over." (Isaiah 51:12-23)

It's A Faith Issue

We average, ordinary Americans have been given a priceless gift, American citizenship. As part of that priceless gift, we average, ordinary American ciizens have been given the responsibility to govern ourselves. As a child in grammar school, I was taught that this country is a democracy. That is not true. We do have a democratic form of government but actually, we are citizens of a republic.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a republic as a government in which supreme power resides in a body of citizens entitled to vote and is exercised by elected officers and representatives responsible to them and governing according to law. The supreme power rests with us. We elect our representatives and they are responsible to us which is rather difficult to take in: we've been taught to obey the state. But it turns out, we are the state. So whom do we obey? Well we haven't been left to do exactly as we please. Our republic is a nation of laws and most particulary, we live within the boundaries of the Constitution of the United States. The Constitution is another priceless gift.

To be good Christians, we must accept the gifts God has given us. And the responsibilities that go along with them. If we don't, we fail to accept God's gifts; if we will not rule ourselves, we will be ruled by men such as this one*:



Let us remember that God does not give gifts because we are worthy of them but rather because He loves us, rather for the glory of His name, so as to make us able to "declare [His] glory among the nations." We haven't been doing so well at that one either but I honestly believe if we will govern ourselves as our founding fathers conceived, we will begin to declare His glory.

As far as possible citizens should take an active part in public life. The manner of this participation may vary from one country or culture to another. "One must pay tribute to those nations whose systems permit the largest possible number of the citizens to take part in public life in a climate of genuine freedom."**

* Video of Robert Reich, former Secretary of Labor under Bill Clinton
** The Catechism of the Catholic Church, Para. 1

more later

FCC Vote on Internet Freedom

I can't say it better (and I'm too tired to try):

Tomorrow, the FCC votes on "what it calls a "Notice of Proposed Rulemaking" (NPRM) on Net Neutrality. In the event the NPRM passes, it will trigger a comment period in which the public will be allowed to file opinions.

"The Internet has become a powerful communications and economic force because it has been free from government interference. To make sure the power and promise of the Internet continues, we need to keep it free of government interference.

We oppose three basic threats to Internet Freedom:

- Taxes
- Regulations
- and any attempt by the United Nations to manage the Internet"

This concerns every one of us who uses the Internet. Please read this, sign the petition and follow the link (and try) to comment on the FCC's website. (I've tried all week and can never get through.) Thanks and God bless.

Why Wait for Copenhagen When You Can Do It At the G20

Praying and fasting and suffering don't let us off informing ourselves and exercizing our responsibilities as citizens of the United States. So watch this video and really take in what he is saying - at the G20 conference, Obama ceded the sovreignity over our economy to the IMF. If you don't understand the terminology, do the research, ask questions, invest some of your frittering away time on becoming an awake and aware citizen and on learning what all this means to us as Americans and as Catholics.

We Can't Let Them Pull A Fast One

Fallen Sparrow brought this post to my attention. It's worth reading the entire piece but here are some of the relevant excerpts:

At [the 2009 United Nations Climate Change Conference in] Copenhagen, this December, weeks away, a treaty will be signed. Your president will sign it. Most of the third world countries will sign it, because they think they’re going to get money out of it. Most of the left-wing regime from the European Union will rubber stamp it. Virtually nobody won’t sign it.

I read that treaty. And what it says is this, that a world government is going to be created. The word “government” actually appears as the first of three purposes of the new entity. The second purpose is the transfer of wealth from the countries of the West to third world countries, in satisfication of what is called, coyly, “climate debt” – because we’ve been burning CO2 and they haven’t. We’ve been screwing up the climate and they haven’t. And the third purpose of this new entity, this government, is enforcement.

How many of you think that the word “election” or “democracy” or “vote” or “ballot” occurs anywhere in the 200 pages of that treaty? Quite right, it doesn’t appear once. So, at last, the communists who piled out of the Berlin Wall and into the environmental movement, who took over Greenpeace so that my friends who funded it left within a year, because [the communists] captured it – Now the apotheosis as at hand. They are about to impose a communist world government on the world. You have a president who has very strong sympathies with that point of view. He’s going to sign it. He’ll sign anything. He’s a Nobel Peace Prize [winner]; of course he’ll sign it.

[laughter]

And the trouble is this; if that treaty is signed, if your Constitution says that it takes precedence over your Constitution (sic), and you can’t resign from that treaty unless you get agreement from all the other state parties – And because you’ll be the biggest paying country, they’re not going to let you out of it.

So, thank you, America. You were the beacon of freedom to the world. It is a privilege merely to stand on this soil of freedom while it is still free. But, in the next few weeks, unless you stop it, your president will sign your freedom, your democracy, and your humanity away forever. And neither you nor any subsequent government you may elect will have any power whatsoever to take it back. That is how serious it is. I’ve read the treaty. I’ve seen this stuff about [world] government and climate debt and enforcement. They are going to do this to you whether you like it or not.

But I think it is here, here in your great nation, which I so love and I so admire – it is here that perhaps, at this eleventh hour, at the fifty-ninth minute and fifty-ninth second, you will rise up and you will stop your president from signing that dreadful treaty, that purposeless treaty. For there is no problem with climate and, even if there were, an economic treaty does nothing to [help] it.

So I end by saying to you the words that Winston Churchill addressed to your president in the darkest hour before the dawn of freedom in the Second World War. He quoted from your great poet Longfellow:

Sail on, O Ship of State!
Sail on, O Union, strong and great!
Humanity with all its fears,
With all the hopes of future years,
Is hanging breathless on thy fate!

Also:

Lord Monckton received a standing ovation and took a series of questions from members of the audience. Among those questions were these relevent to the forthcoming Copenhagen treaty:

Question: The current administration and the Democratic majority in Congress has shown little regard for the will of the people. They’re trying to pass a serious government agenda, and serious taxation and burdens on future generations. And there seems to be little to stop them. How do you propose we stop Obama from doing this, because I see no way to stop him from signing anything in Copenhagen. I believe that’s his agenda and he’ll do it.

I don’t minimize the difficulty. But on this subject – I don’t really do politics, because it’s not right. In the end, your politics is for you. The correct procedure is for you to get onto your representatives, both in the US Senate where the bill has yet to go through (you can try and stop that) and in [the House], and get them to demand their right of audience (which they all have) with the president and tell him about this treaty. There are many very powerful people in this room, wealthy people, influential people. Get onto the media, tell them about this treaty. If they go to www.wattsupwiththat.com, they will find (if they look carefully enough) a copy of that treaty, because I arranged for it to be posted there not so long ago. Let them read it, and let the press tell the people that their democracy is about to be taken away for no good purpose, at least [with] no scientific basis [in reference to climate change]. Tell the press to say this. Tell the press to say that, even if there is a problem [with climate change], you don’t want your democracy taken away. It really is as simple as that.

Do read the entire treaty. Here is a most relevant excerpt (I've left in their editorializing and emphasis since they're helpful):

38. The scheme for the new institutional arrangement under the Convention will be based on three basic pillars: government; facilitative mechanism; and financial mechanism, and the basic organization of which will include the following:

World Government (heading added)
a) The government will be ruled by the COP with the support of a new subsidiary body on adaptation, and of an Executive Board responsible for the management of the new funds and the related facilitative processes and bodies. The current Convention secretariat will operate as such, as appropriate.

To Redistribute Wealth (heading added)
b) The Convention’s financial mechanism will include a multilateral climate change fund including five windows: (a) an Adaptation window, (b) a Compensation window, to address loss and damage from climate change impacts [read: the "climate debt" Monckton refers to], including insurance, rehabilitation and compensatory components, (c) Technology window; (d) a Mitigation window; and (e) a REDD window, to support a multi-phases process for positive forest incentives relating to REDD actions.

With Enforcement Authority (heading added)
c) The Convention’s facilitative mechanism will include: (a) work programmes for adaptation and mitigation; (b) a long-term REDD process; (c) a short-term technology action plan; (d) an expert group on adaptation established by the subsidiary body on adaptation, and expert groups on mitigation, technologies and on monitoring, reporting and verification; and (e) an international registry for the monitoring, reporting and verification of compliance of emission reduction commitments, and the transfer of technical and financial resources from developed countries to developing countries. The secretariat will provide technical and administrative support, including a new centre for information exchange [read; enforcement].

We must do everything we can, more than we think we can to certain that this is not signed. We can and will cast off the evil and mischief that is being perpetrated by both parties in this country. And we must become vigilant so that it doesn't seep in again. But the evil that can be unleashed by a treaty that would deprive us of our sovreignity is unthinkable. This is truly scary stuff (and I don't scare easily). If you agree, start making a lot of noise. I've emailed and tweeted everyone I can think of. Please do the same. And don't stop. Make this the topic of conversation for as long as necessary. Let's make it clear that we refuse to become a party to any treaty on climate change without the full consent of the actual people of the United States of America.

We are not serfs. Our elected officials do not reign over us and take care of us since we're unable to care for ourselves. Neither are we blind. And we must not be silent. This climate change garbage has gone far enough. Let's pray, yes! And let's also use every talent God has given us, even if it's just a soft whisper, to do something about it!

Sometimes There's Only the Job

Today I found a new blog, Autographed Letter Signed. The piece, Sunday Soliloquy: Chicken Soup For The Motherless Daughter’s Soul, is so heartbreakingly lovely, it made me realize that I must write one of the posts that has been ruminating in my mind these past days.

There is so much I want to do. There are so many ways I want to participate in the great drama that God continues to unfold in our nation and our world. The time I spend in bed irritates me. Doing laundry on one day should not knock me out the next and the next. I should be able to go to a friend's birthday party and then get up and do something, anything, the next day. I want to be stronger than I am and I really haven't understood why I am so overwhelmingly fatigued. Then last Monday my doctor (who is really a wonderful doctor and among my favourite people) took a look at my bloodwork and said, "Hmm. Your kidneys are only functioning at 60%."

I am rather stupid about these things particularly since I decided to stop searching the internet for every word on every report. I have no way to put all that information in context and reading Lancet* is really no help. So he explained to me that kidneys are supposed to function at 90% or better and 60% wasn't good. He did tell me that they wouldn't think of rushing me to hospital until functioning was down to 20% but I was a bit preoccupied with that 60%. He instructed me to tell my rheumatologist that I have kidney disease associated with autoimmune disease.

I don't know if the disease can be treated, if functioning can be restored. (Well it can - but you know what I mean.) And of course, the internet is still no help. This kind of kidney problem is the most difficult to treat but who, besides a doctor, knows what that means. My rheumatologist will have all the information this week and hopefully, she will have more answers.

But I do understand why I am so much weaker, so overwhelmingly fatigued. Right now, my primary job is to be ill and so I shall do the best job I can. And when I can type out a few coherent paragraphs or twitter 140 characters that make sense, I shall.

To do the job, that's enough. I needn't define it - I can't define it. But when it presents itself, when it stares you in the face, when you know this is the job I must do, the only thing is to do it. And to be grateful that God trusts us so much. And maybe He'll have a different job for me next month.

*I think I have previously intimated my nerdiness. I understand a subscription to Lancet is absolute proof.

** Two friends have already offered me kidneys which is just so absolutely lovely but let's still hope I don't need them.

Important Thing To Do With Frittering Away Money

This is important. Money that we might fritter away on stuff we don't even recall buying would be well spent on helping Belmont Abbey College. And, the repercussions could be great - we could help stop such attacks or at least slow them down; we could help limit the evil that would just love to take over every life in this country. God bless.

from: Rick Santorum
ricksantorum@becketfund.org

Re: Defending Belmont Abbey College

The Obama Administration is working to erase respect for conscience from health insurance and the law in general…

… Don’t believe me?

In his address at the University of Notre Dame, Obama talked a good game about respecting conscience on abortion rights. He did the same thing when he met the Pope. But that was all it was -- talk.

The Obama Administration’s attack on Belmont Abbey College proves that.

Belmont Abbey College is a small, private, Catholic college located in North Carolina. For 130 years, it and the Benedictine monks who run it have been dedicated to handing on the Catholic faith.

But the Obama Administration is now trying to force them to abandon that faith or go out of business.

You see, the Administration at Belmont Abbey College removed contraception, abortion, and voluntary sterilization from its faculty's health care policy after discovering it had accidentally been a part of existing plans.

Employees of the school who objected to this change in policy brought a complaint against the school accusing them of “gender discrimination.”

This accusation against Belmont Abbey College couldn’t be further from the truth.

Belmont Abbey College was not discriminating against women. Unlike many “believers in name only” the college was adhering to the principles of its faith.

At first, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) found no evidence of gender discrimination by Belmont Abbey College…..

After a few weeks, the EEOC mysteriously reversed course and announced, in effect, that the college had better toe the Administration’s line, or else.

They are now demanding the school go against the very principles it exists to serve.

Don’t be fooled.

Killing or funding the killing of unborn children has nothing to do with promoting human health. And including these atrocities in every “health care” plan -- no matter how shrewdly hidden or diplomatically stated – violates the consciences of Catholics everywhere.
No Catholic college or other religious institution should ever be required by the government to violate its moral beliefs ...

... Which is why I’m asking for your help today.

Your immediate support for the defense of Belmont Abbey College is VITAL, not only for Belmont Abbey, but for all religious institutions in America.

Too many were silent when Obama went to Notre Dame. As a result his Administration has been emboldened to attack all Catholic institutions. Now, they are shamelessly picking on a small Catholic college – Belmont Abbey.

Tomorrow it could be your local church, the parochial school you send your kids to, it could be the Jesus bumper sticker on your car…

If Obama is given the opportunity to attack even the oldest and most respected religious establishments across the country, what will be next?

The President of Belmont Abbey College has bravely stated that he would rather close the school than go against the church’s most fundamental teachings ...

I commend him for his moral conviction, but I’m afraid for the future of religious freedom in our country.

… Think I’m overreacting?

The impact of even one Catholic college knuckling under or closing would be a catastrophe for all religious institutions.

Which is why I am asking for your help.

Will you stand with me against the Obama Administration’s war on conscience?

Luckily, the Belmont Abbey College has enlisted the help of a law firm that specializes in defending against this type of travesty. It’s called the Becket Fund for Religious Liberty.

The Becket Fund has a solid reputation for being the best in the business.

I know first hand how effective the Becket Fund is in preserving our freedom of religion. I’ve known them for years.

Way back in the Clinton Administration when Clinton threatened to court-martial military chaplains who followed their consciences by preaching against Clinton’s veto of the Partial Birth Abortion Ban, it was the Becket Fund that filed suit in federal court and got that gag order struck down.

And just this past week, when the Freedom from Religion Foundation sued to strike “under God” from the Pledge of Allegiance, it was the Becket Fund that intervened in the case and successfully defended the Pledge.

In between they have successfully defended all sorts of believers and religious institutions.

Archbishop Chaput knows them well too. As he likes to say, “The work of The Becket Fund for Religious Liberty is more than ‘good.’ It’s vital.”

By contributing to the Becket Fund, you can directly support religious freedom — for Belmont Abbey — and every other religious school or institution in the country.

Make no mistake, this will not be easy. The Obama Administration is relentless about silencing religious believers.

Will you do me a personal favor, in the name of religious freedom, and contribute – today -- to the Becket Fund for Religious Liberty’s fight for Belmont Abbey College and for all other religious institutions?

Time is of the essence. Belmont Abbey College stands for the moral teachings and principles of the Catholic Church -- it stands for life.

... You and I simply cannot allow the radical leftists in this country to succeed in demanding Belmont Abbey College turn its back on the most basic and fundamental teachings of the church or else close.

Belmont Abbey President William Thierfelder recently said, "All of us need to have moral courage in today's world." He added. "We are so resolute in our commitment to the teachings of the Catholic Church that there is no possible way we would ever deviate from it, and if it came down to it ... we would close the school rather than give in ...”

.... Will you exercise your moral courage and help me defend Belmont Abbey College with an urgent and immediate contribution of $500, $250, $100, $35, or whatever you can afford, to prevent religious freedom from becoming a thing of the past?

I’m counting on you to act TODAY!



God Bless,

Hon. Rick Santorum
United State Senator 1995-2007

P.S. I’m tired of hearing outsiders and insiders tell Catholics and other devout religious believers to keep quiet about our religious and moral views in society. That's a kind of bullying. And I don't think Catholics or persons of any faith should accept it.... For the sake and the right of religious liberty for all, I urge you to contribute to the Becket Fund for Religious Liberty, and support the Belmont Abbey College, TODAY!

They're Giving Me Powerful Drugs

I have been sick. Was taking Ambien and then began eating and then cooking in my sleep which is most distressing. I have no memory of eating ice cream, and candy and mac & cheese - it was great mac & cheese at the restaurant and since I added more cheese*, I bet it was even better.  And I gained weight! If I'm going to make myself fat, I want to enjoy it!

Now, we're switching to Restoril. I use "we" because my doctor muttered her way through several possibilities until she decided Restoril was the best choice. Actually, I'm trying Restoril. I've stopped eating in my sleep and haven't found any unexpected dirty dishes in the sink the next day. And I sleep. But, for the past week, I've been waking at 7.30 to take my a.m. meds, then I try to read morning prayer and a bit of Isaiah and a bit of something else but the next thing I know, it's 12.30/1. Except for days like today when I slept through my alarm and woke for the first time at 1. (I went to a party last night. It was quiet. Just a friend's birthday. And I was home by 11. But that must be past my sell-by hour. Que sera.)

Restoril keeps me out of it most of the time. Before, my friends thought I was always slightly drunk. Now, they think I'm significantly more slightly drunk. Yet maybe it's not the Restoril. I've had a lot of wooziness since having the chemo and have spent 3 of 7 days in bed since July when I had to take a break from work. Maybe the wooziness is just increasing and I will be woozier and woozier as time goes on. Has potential to be great fun. Imagine the things one could sleep through. And wooziness might be a defense for all sorts of accidents, like leaving Bergdorf's wearing amazing shoes.

I do have lots of stuff on my mind and a new photo of myself, if my friend ever sends it to me, looking like a deer caught in an SUV's headlights which I might post, if my friend ever sends it to me. So I'll keep posting whenever I can. (It's sort of an adventure.) And if you know anything about Restoril, please advise. This stuff is powerful. (Maybe my body will become accustomed to it and I will sleep less and less. I'm already taking the lowest dose so maybe that will happen soon.)

Meanwhile, here's one of my favourite Onion clips:





* more cheese always makes mac & cheese better

They Work For Us

Where are the leaders we need right now?

In my previous post, I erred in asking, where are the leaders particularly since I was actually asking, Where are those who will take over the job of leading this country so I can get back to my life? Like most Americans, I am still learning to be an American. An education in this country has provided me with much misinformation. I am now re-educating myself so that I am an informed and fully participating citizen. Assisting me are friends such as Fallen Sparrow who pointed out that in the United States of America, we don’t have leaders, we have representatives. The preamble of the Constitution begins: We the people of the United States in order to form a more perfect union... We the people are sovereign. We the people are the leaders. Those we elect represent us. They are our servants.

Most Catholics (and I think most people) seem uncomfortable with servants. As Christians, we are taught to be servants. As Americans, we've been taught that we live in a democracy*, that "all men [and women] are created equal", that here, there are no servants (and therefore no masters). The very idea of having servants conjures up images of Cinderella, “let them eat cake,” and a level of wealth that translates into Scrooge's treatment of poor Bob Cratchit or the monstrous Simon Legree**. I get the impression that most Americans believe it’s immoral to expect someone else to be their servant. But in reality we have all sorts of servants. They collect our garbage, chlorinate our water, sweep our streets. But we don't usually feel that those who do such jobs are servants. We think we have become egalitarian. Actually, we have only learned to lie to ourselves better. We pretend that servants don’t exist and so pretend we have no role in regards to them.

Most of us think our primary job as citizens is voting, Many Catholics know we must also be informed so that we choose candidates who adhere to Church teaching or at least, natural law. Some of us vote to limit evil and/or for those who espouse sound economic and foreign policies. On the whole though, we vote and then believe we should be left alone to live our lives while those we elect get on with the business of running the country. But public servants merely represent us. They speak with our voices, carry out our decisions within the confines we set. They cannot and must not make decisions for us. Since we are sovereign, an integral part of living our own lives is running our country.

That is a great difficulty for many Catholics, for many Christians. The Church teaches us that we are to obey the state. That’s not a unique teaching of the Magisterium, scripture teaches the same. But in America, we the people are the state. In America, we the people must govern our own lives. In America we must set standards for ourselves and must teach those standards to our children. We must be the masters of this country, must be good stewards of the unique gift we have received.

I often encounter Catholics who tell me, when they find a candidate who adheres to Church teaching, they will vote for him/her. We have the expectation that others will present us with the right platform. But we forget, it is our job to set the standards, to tell our potential servants what they should be doing. In at least a general sense, we need to create the platforms, the policies and the positions that potential servants will flesh out and fulfill. To do so, we must be well educated and well informed. We must be involved in our communities: unmarried people must participate in decisions that involve children, married people must participate in decisions that involve those who are not married. And not only because those issues involve taxes but because the decisions made for others in our country affect all of us. We must encourage those in our community who can serve to run for public office. We must remain aware of what our servants are doing, of whether they are performing their duties responsibly. We must make certain they have what they need to do their jobs and pay them fair wages.

To ensure that our home is well cared for. Before we ask whether a particular candidate can do the job, we must know what that job entails. We must know the standards for those jobs and make certain candidates have shown evidence that they will live up to them. We must approach elections as if we are reluctantly hiring someone to care for our fragile, infant children; we must not be frivolous in choosing public servants. And, as those of us who have hired staff know, when our servants don't do their jobs we must replace them. We must realize, here, to be a good Catholic, to be a good Christian, we must do the work of governing, we must be faithful masters – that this is an integral part of stewardship.

Our Constitution sets forth the laws by which America exists. All other laws must be in accordance with it. It is not scripture but it is a certain guide within which we, the individual citizens, are able to govern her. Within it, we are the masters. This is the grace God has bestowed upon us through American citizenship. The grace and also the job, because as masters, it is our responsibility to keep our eyes on our servants. If we are not diligent, the servants will take control of our home and they will behave no better than the servants in the parables Jesus told.

* Again, Fallen Sparrow reminds me that the United States is a Republic not a democracy.

** I highly reccommend Harriet Beecher Stowe's, Uncle Tom's Cabin. It is an amazing book that was instrumental in abolishing slavery and is most useful for self re-education. I wonder if modern works such as this one might help change hearts in re abortion.

Twitter Feed...

...I've added one. I have no idea what I'll do with it but here it is and we'll see what happens.

Reworking of My September 18th Post

It seems my post yesterday was as woozy as I was, maybe it's not so bad that I am usually far away from my computer during my more lucid periods. Today, I'm still woozy but I've had input from a few friends so hopefully I won't degenerate into meaninglessness.

America, for many non-Americans, has always been the safe place, the haven. This is the place the poor and oppressed and desperate could come to be safe from destructive governements and economic systems. Many have found asylum here. This is where my parents sent me. And this has been a safe place even though very bad things can and do happen here. There is child abuse and exploitation and crime and all sorts of sin and misfortune. But this is also a place where one can build a life oneself.

Not too long ago, one of my roommates was a young Frenchman who was studying banking. In grammar school, he had been identified to study maths and though his interest was literature, he had been shuffled along the maths route until here he was at Columbia, fees and expenses paid, following an approved maths career. (He plans to make an enormous amount of money in banking and retire in ten or fifteen years.) That doesn't happen here. We choose our own directions, can and often do change course if we desire. In America, we build our own lives and that is a precious gift. If we fail we can try again if we are willing to do so. Our individual wills are the most important possession any of has in this country, the determinant of whether or not we will build lives for ourselves.

Most of us do. And many from other countries have come here and built lives for themselves. I think much of the envy directed at the US is because anyone with some talent, imagination, spunk and the willingness to work hard can create a place for himself here. That place might not be grand. It might not be expensive. It might not look the way magazines say it should. It might not even consist in things but rather in merely the freedom to be free - to be "king of the road." But it belongs to oneself.

Here we can build lives that are neither dependent on nor beholden to the state. Here community and society are freely chosen not imposed. Here, the family, the church or other religious institution, and our neighbourhoods are supposed to provide the moral development we need to care for ourselves, create new families and be good citizens. Here we are trusted to care for ourselves. To care for our families. To govern ourselves and our families.

We are at a time when many believe we can't care for ourselves. Actually, it seems many believe we ought to care for those who don't care for themselves. I am (or trying very hard to be) a faithful Catholic. I believe we have a moral imperative to care for those who can't care for themselves. But I don't believe the government is the best way to do that and I also don't think the Church teaches that caring for the poor must be the work of the government - particularly when the government has shown it can't do the job. I also believe we have a moral imperative to help those who could use a hand up or a shoulder to lean on. But I absolutely don't believe in taking care of those who will not work or those who do work and yet feel entitled to be cared for while they follow their dreams.

Right now, health insurance is the hot issue. There is a cacaphony about it these days. But there is also noise about welfare and "cash for clunkers" and stimulus money, and various community activist groups and so many other issues. We are in a time of noise and more noise. A time of being intentionally told that all is in disorder. 85% of Americans are satisfied with their health insurance yet there is a health insurance crisis. Well we're not stupid. We know there's no crisis. All it is is noise that distracts us from remembering what it means to be Americans. Distracts us from living our own lives. At the same time, there seems to be a paucity of leaders reminding us of what it means to be Americans too. Reminding us of the good that we have here in this country.

Instead, we've got leaders who create noise and unrest and calumny. They shovel issue after issue upon us and insist, "We must pass legislation now!" All this activity just distracts us, is aimed aat filling us up with chaos so that we aren't focusing on living our own lives, on taking care of ourselves. All this noise puts us in a defensive stance ready to fend off the next blast, caught up in the chaos. Some have hailed at least one of those leaders as a messiah. My first question is, Does the real Messiah bring noise and unrest and calumny and distraction? Does He bring chaos?

And my second question: Where are the leaders we need right now? The ones who will remind us that this is America? The ones who will remind us of the ways we have addressed issues in the past? And we have addressed many issues - independence, slavery, the dust bowl, going to the moon, segregation, child labour. We've addressed issues that seemed utterly intractable. Where are the leaders who will remind us of that?

I don't want leaders who will solve everything for me. I want leaders I can trust, leaders who know what it is to be an American, leaders who will encourage the citizens of this country to find answers to the needs of our time. I want leaders who will trust us, the American people. Though we can and will get things wrong sometimes, we've proven trustworthy in the past. We are trustworthy now but we need leaders who will provide calm direction in the midst of this chaos.

Excuse Me, Isn't This America?

Seems I was woozier yesterday than I realized. Stay tuned...

Today is one of my very woozy, in pain, totally out of it days. Much of the time these days, random thoughts about what I've heard or read run through my mind. Conversation with friends who know that I'm usually talking about several subjects at the same time are most helpful in separating the strands and tying the related ones together. And sometimes clear thoughts just come to mind. Usually I forget them until someone reminds me - but then I am away from my computer. Today, they just happened to come while I was showering and I have enough time to write them down before leaving for my physical therapy appointment. You see I, like so many Americans, am concerned, troubled even. There is so much about this healthcare debate that makes no sense to me: why aren't we remembering that this is America?


Isn't this the oountry where entreprenurial doctors have developed Urgent Care Centers to provide for the sick who don't need the emergency room but do need medical attention? Isn't this the country that creates not-for-profits to enroll the poor in Medicaid? Isn't this the country where brilliant folks, ordinary Joes, entrepreneurs and just plain anyone with a good idea and the willingness to put in some hard work can come up with answers to problems? And isn't it true that those of us who don't have the talent to find answers can work for or invest in the ideas of others? Isn't that what we have done in the past? Why do so many of us insist that health care is a zero-sum game?


Why are we listening to anyone compare the US to Canada or any other nation? When did we stop being the gold standard? When did we stop being the country to which immigrants (legal and illegal) flock and long to flock so that they can build a life for themselves? Maybe even develop one of their own good ideas? Isn't the opportunity for people to build a life for themselves and their families one of the greatest strengths this country has? Isn't that all we want? Not someone to do the work for us but just the opportunity to take care of ourselves? (This "you need the government to fix things for you" attitude is just fucking insulting!)


I really don't get it. The incessant clammouring makes no sense. Is that what a messiah brings? Noise and more noise? Distraction after distraction? NFW! And we know that.


It seems to me that we desperately need leaders who remember what America means. Leaders who are not out to control (another part of being American is being the people who refuse to be controlled), but out to do the job of leading us. Right now, we need leaders who tell us the truth even when we don't like it. We need leaders who point out consequences and trust us to be responsible. Leaders who know we're not stupid but that we could use some direction sometimes and need someone doing the things we can't do - like defense and certain aspects of trade - those things outlined in the Constitution. I don't care if they're Republican or Conservative or something else. I only care that they remember who we are and that they be trustworthy.


PS - I can't find the spell check button and I'm too tired to look for it anymore so please forgive me any mispelled words and other mistakes too. Thanks.

More Riffing On a Theme

I am about five. Actually, I'm an adult woman and sometimes I even present myself as a sophisticated, refined, beautiful one. But most days there's not a great deal of difference between five-year old me and five-plus times five-year old me. I have a drawer filled with baseball caps. Another is filled with neat little t-shirts. I wear comfy pants or full skirts so I can tuck my feet up or sit sprawled out. Most of my shoes are flats. Many of them are beautiful but could as easily be a child's dress shoes as an adult's. Even my hair is little-girl fine and when allowed to air dry forms itself into a mass of little-girl ringlets. Recently, as I waited to meet a friend for lunch, I saw my reflection in a plate glass window and realized all I needed was a lunch box to complete the ensemble. (My friend offered to get me one for my birthday but I declined.)

Watching 50s and 60s classic TV takes me to a time when girls grew into womanhood. Wearing stockings was a rite of passage as was wearing lipstick (lip gloss did not exist). The clothing women in the '50s and '60s wore was not suitable for a little girl not because it was risqué but rather because it was mature and not appropriate for rushing about with flying hair and skinned knees. Something happened to girls so that they were not only interested in boys but also interested in taking their places alongside other adult women; girls wanted to be women like their mothers and dressing like them was an integral part of the something that happened.



I am only now beginning to experience the desire to take my place in the world as a woman. Partly, that includes dressing as a woman because I am one. Whereas I have always loved fashion, I have done so as if I am dressing paper dolls and I am the doll. It's a most interesting place to be: I have put together a wardrobe of beautiful clothes and shoes. I can go to that closet and put together an outfit for nearly any occasion. People often compliment me on what I am wearing. I have worked in fashion, am an expert seamstress and have even designed clothing for myself and others. And frequently, (in fact, as often as I can get away with it) I dress as if I am a child. Donna Reed and June Cleaver always look like women, even wearing old clothing to clean the attic. I often look like a kid even when I'm dressed for a formal occasion.

I would like there to be a difference between the way I present myself today and the way I did when I was five. It seems fitting. I don't know what I will look like - attractive, I hope. And though I love vintage pieces, I don't want to become a costumed throwback to the '50s or '60s. But I do want to grow up; it's time I became a woman.

UPDATE: 17 August 2009 By the way, this is my first embedded picture. It's so exciting (hugging myself with joy). (See, I really am five.)

He Remembered!!!!

During my detour through the Anglican Communion, I seriously considered entering religious life as an Anglican nun. For reasons I shall not try to explain now, I came to the decision that God was not calling me to that vocation. Several years later, I became friends with Fallen Sparrow who is, in many ways, the brother I didn't have until I grew up enough to believe I didn't need one. I soon decided that if someone like him could be a Catholic then there was hope that I could be one too.

My detour into the land of Anglicans occurred partly due to my own pride and partly due to bad catechises. I had fought my Southern Baptist minister foster-father's denunciation of Catholics, had even kept a child's version of the catechism hidden under my mattress and read it over and over. At 11, I began sneaking out to go to Mass. By 13, a paperback copy of Franz Werfel's, The Song of Bernadette joined my hidden catechism and Bernadette became a dear friend. But while preparing for confirmation in NY at 16, I discovered that sin seemed to have been degraded to bad feelings and attitudes, to misunderstandings; it wasn't really my fault. Pre-marital sex was not a sin as long as both parties were "honest" with each other about being "ready" for sex. So much that I had thought clear was suddenly very confusing. And when I encountered priests who ridiculed and belittled me (even shouted at me) or told me a particular work was "over my head", I began to ask myself, Is this what I worked so hard to hold onto? After university while looking for a new parish, I wandered into St. Thomas' Church on Fifth Avenue and by the time I realized it wasn't Catholic, I was mid-way through the class to prepare for reception into the Anglican Communion.

In the late '80s, I found greater orthodoxy in the Anglican Communion than I did in the Catholic Church and more kindness. Not that I conducted any sort of search for either among Catholics, I thought the Church was the same everywhere. Besides, I wasn't being asked to stop believing anything I already believed. The only real difference was that Anglicans believed that the Pope, as the bishop of Rome, was first among equals rather than the head of the Church. But they deferred to him, there were even classes for reading Papal encyclicals; education is taken seriously in high Anglican parishes. And worship was taken so much more seriously, as it was when I was a young child sitting at Mass between Marmar and Papa.

At first, I was simply awed by the amount of sheer knowledge available to me and I imbibed as much of it as I could. During that time, I began to seriously consider becoming a nun. The All Saints Sisters of the Poor in Catonsville attracted me. I spent time with them and actually began the daunting application process. And though I did not join them, in the short time I knew them, I came to love the All Saints Sisters precisely because of their desire for holiness.

Eventually I realized that learning was making me able to comment knowledgeably about all sorts of churchy things but was not helping me to love God better. I saw that holiness was impossible unless I returned to the Catholic Church, that I just couldn't do it on my own. And though I had been taught by Anglicans and Catholics that the Church is run by old white men who are out of touch with current reality, after many conversations with God and with FS, during which I insisted that I was an Anglican and had no intention of returning to the Catholic Church, I woke one Sunday morning to the proposition, What would happen if I went to Mass? So I went to Mass and nothing happened except that I knew I couldn't go back to the Anglican Communion. And I didn't. But since my return, the conversion of the All Saints Sisters of the Poor has been in my prayers because it has been obvious to me that they are Catholic and Catholics belong at home.*

Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of my return to the Catholic Church. I had forgotten. At brunch, several friends told me that nearly an entire convent of traditional Anglican nuns in Maryland had become Catholic and I knew of whom they must be speaking. And so it is. As a friend told me yesterday, whether I had joined them or not, it was God's intention that I come home. And it was His intention that the All Saints Sisters come home too, and that I receive a lovely, lovely anniversary gift: ten of the All Saints Sisters and their chaplain (the only Anglican confessor I could ever find) - how awesome! Doesn't God give such lovely gifts?

* Now I can look forward to all the others I'm asking Him to convert, like the President and his family. Praying for conversions is so exciting!

Riffing on a Theme

I've moved my computer to my bed. Having a library/work area is, I've decided, reason enough for a single person to have a wide bed (I wish mine was a queen instead of a full). When I was out ill last year I was stronger than I am now. This year, I spend much more of my time in bed. I'm very fortunate to get through the simple form of Morning Prayer in Magnificat. (Who knew that prayer was such demanding work?) Reading is pretty much limited to first thing in the morning. If I don't get it in then, it doesn't happen. And even at that hour, I only get through a few paragraphs which I don't remember.

Forcing my brain to focus has become exhausting. And when I demand too much of myself, I crash - hard. I've just spent the past three days in bed. On Sunday, I could hardly stay awake and missed most of my meals and several doses of meds. Two dear friends were over and I reclined in a big easy chair as my mind wandered in and out of lucidity. Yesterday, another friend stopped me in mid sentence and told me I was rambling. Today, I'm a little more awake, a little more aware, but that means I'm also more aware of pain. I did get out for a walk only to discover that there was not enough air - one hopes the pulmonologist will be able to weigh in with some remedy for that. But then, one has been hoping he would do so for some time now. It would be lovely if there were more air when I exert myself.

My mind wanders a lot these days. Oh I use it as much as possible. I try to keep a Health Journal, work on puzzles and trivia quizzes and take simple surveys. Once in a great while, I participate in a more demanding survey or an IM exchange for a few minutes. (I'm hopeful that I can rebuild my cognitive faculties by using them. And I certainly don't want my brain to atrophy. It may or may not work but it's certainly worth a try.) Mostly though, I watch family comedies from the 50s and 60s and let the thoughts come. Right now, I'm watching Bewitched* and Leave It To Beaver*. And I've made it through Nanny and the Professor (a very sweet program that I highly recommend) and most of Father Knows Best. I've assembled a three page list of family sitcoms from the 50s and 60s (by that I mean sitcoms that focus on the family in some fashion). Those old comedies are gentler than what's available now. Sweeter. I can't even stand being on a noisy bus. Having loud, glaring programs assaulting me through my computer or TV screen is excruciating. Many older sitcoms explored very simple themes through very simple stories. But today, sitcoms are like Times Square in NY - harsh, brash, painful and meaningless. Even the harshest early sitcoms, such as Bewitched, is gentler than those shown today.

And while I'm watching them my mind wanders. The themes they explore are very much the themes I think we need to be exploring today. So many thoughts come to mind. I wish I had more energy to write - these few paragraphs have been stretched throughout the day, whenever I could get a little more done; in the past, this post would have been an hour's work or less. But to the extent possible, I want to write about some of what comes to mind particularly the themes having to do with women and girls. If possible, I'd like to begin a new hobby which I'll write more about later. For now, I just want to suggest that women have been taught to be like Times Square and maybe some of us would like to be something different. Not something that would take us backwards to a golden era that never really existed. But something that will take us forward, bring us closer to God, develop femininity and womanliness. More later...

*Additional episodes available on Netflix.com.

I'm At Home Again

By the grace of God, I'm home. In bed much of the time (I've slept most of the past two weeks), hoping there is a way to rebuild strength, willing to change my life and accept being disabled if that is what I must do. The chemo has treated many of those things that were killing me but it brings with it overwhelming side affects. The treatment is not worse than the illness but it's at least as debillitating. I can truly say, making it through these past few months has been the hardest thing I've ever done: we truly underestimate ourselves and what God can do with us.

It's hard to imagine what God can do with me right now. He'll work that out. I know that now better than I did a year ago when I was out sick for three and one-half months. What a difference a year of suffering makes.

A few days ago, I dreamt that I had taken a temporary job in God the Father's Office. My supervisor decided that I should spend part of each day working on some special projects with the Father Himself. After lunch I was to go and meet Him. I had a doctor's appointment and told her I might be late. I also mentioned that I would stop and get some jelly beans while I was out. She told me the Father likes the green ones. My appointment ran late but I love jelly beans and hurried to the shop to get them. They had no separate bags of the green kind so I bought only my usual bag of mixed ones. I returned to the office concerned at my tardiness, couldn't find my supervisor so just decidied to ask the angels to point me to the Father's office.

As I approached the innermost sanctum, I became more and more concerned about seeing Him. This was God, the Holiest of Holies and I was too small and too silly and too messed up to see Him. No one else was at all concerned, they just sped me on my way. And when I arrived at the Father's suite of offices, the angel at reception didn't know what I'd be doing but told me I should just go in and see Him; the angel didn't think my opinions about myself had much to do with it. I looked up, and saw the Father's schedule up on the wall and there was my name indicating that I was to spend several hours with Him.

Behind reception was a small hallway with two or three doors. I tried one but it seemed to be a closet. I tried another and there was my supervisor going over schedules with an enormous Person. He was someone I could never have imagined. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or bow or run away and hide. I thought maybe the Person was a woiman and then, thought, No, maybe He's a man. And then I didn't think anything at all about Him because He asked me a question: Did you bring the green jelly beans?

I was a bit frightened because I didn't have a separate bag for Him but then I found myself saying, I have some green jelly beans at my desk. I'd be happy to get them for You. The Father nodded to me and I returned to my desk and picked all the green jelly beans from my bag of assorted flavours and put them in a bowl for Him.

I think we make things more difficult than they need to be. A year ago, I couldn't stand to be at home alone, couldn't imagine what God might do with me and that drove me crazy. Today, having a shower is exhausting and the question of what God will do with me usually has nothing to do with it - I just need to get dry. These days He seems to want green jelly beans and is patient when I'm late, patient while I pick them out of the bag. And it's good there was no separate bag of the green kind because then God would have only had one flavour. But there are several different flavours of green jelly beans in the bag of mixed ones and I am happy to have the task of picking them out for Him.

PS - I'm hoping to post more often but writing is also exhausting so we'll just see how it goes. I have put my laptop on my bed (reason to have a large bed when you're single - there's space to create a study/TV area) so we'll see.