Reflections on loving God, being Catholic, being a woman, being ill, loving life and anything else that comes to mind.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

They're Giving Me Powerful Drugs

I have been sick. Was taking Ambien and then began eating and then cooking in my sleep which is most distressing. I have no memory of eating ice cream, and candy and mac & cheese - it was great mac & cheese at the restaurant and since I added more cheese*, I bet it was even better.  And I gained weight! If I'm going to make myself fat, I want to enjoy it!

Now, we're switching to Restoril. I use "we" because my doctor muttered her way through several possibilities until she decided Restoril was the best choice. Actually, I'm trying Restoril. I've stopped eating in my sleep and haven't found any unexpected dirty dishes in the sink the next day. And I sleep. But, for the past week, I've been waking at 7.30 to take my a.m. meds, then I try to read morning prayer and a bit of Isaiah and a bit of something else but the next thing I know, it's 12.30/1. Except for days like today when I slept through my alarm and woke for the first time at 1. (I went to a party last night. It was quiet. Just a friend's birthday. And I was home by 11. But that must be past my sell-by hour. Que sera.)

Restoril keeps me out of it most of the time. Before, my friends thought I was always slightly drunk. Now, they think I'm significantly more slightly drunk. Yet maybe it's not the Restoril. I've had a lot of wooziness since having the chemo and have spent 3 of 7 days in bed since July when I had to take a break from work. Maybe the wooziness is just increasing and I will be woozier and woozier as time goes on. Has potential to be great fun. Imagine the things one could sleep through. And wooziness might be a defense for all sorts of accidents, like leaving Bergdorf's wearing amazing shoes.

I do have lots of stuff on my mind and a new photo of myself, if my friend ever sends it to me, looking like a deer caught in an SUV's headlights which I might post, if my friend ever sends it to me. So I'll keep posting whenever I can. (It's sort of an adventure.) And if you know anything about Restoril, please advise. This stuff is powerful. (Maybe my body will become accustomed to it and I will sleep less and less. I'm already taking the lowest dose so maybe that will happen soon.)

Meanwhile, here's one of my favourite Onion clips:

* more cheese always makes mac & cheese better

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