Moving gets in the way of everything. As do several bouts of bronchitis, 1 of pneumonia & the discovery that I must have surgery on both eyes to remove cataracts.
Me: Aren't I too young to have cataracts?
Ophthalmologist: Have you been taking steroids?
Me: silence & a shrug. (In one form or another, I take steroids every day & have for the past 10 years. For those on steroids, if they're necessary, what can you do? At least ask about alternatives & do some research. Don't risk your life but don't just blindly accept everything doctors tell you.)
As for blindly accepting what doctors tell me, I have discovered I was misdiagnosed. Yes, I have autoimmune diseases but some aren't affecting me as I had been led to believe. Pain & inflammation in my hips & knee come from an old injury when I was 17 exacerbated by years of dancing on it. I've found an excellent physical therapist who challenges me & though I was away for a month because of bronchitis & another bout w/ a skin infection after having blood drawn, the knee is getting better & we're working on the hips. God is very good. More than very good. Reductions in pain meds on the way but must continue to take the meds that make me a swollen balloon, at least for now. Still, there's hope. Exercise & dance are powerful gifts for healing. Also, the simplest treatments are the most effective, for me at least: a sinus wash system (just a bottle that gently squeezes saline solution into my lower sinus cavities) has eased allergic reactions & allowed me to eliminate several allergy meds. The list is getting smaller. Did I mention, God is very good?
And another project is filling my time: Loved As If, the story of how I was ripped to shreds, sought healing, found it in Christian community & why that community had to be Catholic. I think I'll post portions of it here & would love comments. Please, please, please, tell me the truth. Both about my writing & my subject. You'll help me become a better writer. The story is painful but not graphic. Some of it is intense but then so was my life. Living w/ evil is intense. More so living w/ God - even for a five year old child.
Prayers are requested. You all have my continuing prayers. May God bless all who come here. (In case you doubt it, He is very, very good.)
PS: please note, I've changed my email.
PPS: will get to part 3 of CST postings when life becomes less hectic. Also, I must write part 3 w/ great tenderness because it's about the other victim in the room, my friend who doesn't realize it. Please pray that God will give me tenderness and clear any remnants of judgement from my heart. I can't walk the path my friend is walking but I can love my friend and pray for repentance. Perhaps I've needed some time to get to that point.
Heirs in Hope
Reflections on loving God, being Catholic, being a woman, being ill, loving life and anything else that comes to mind.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Moving gets in the way of everything. As do several bouts of bronchitis, 1 of pneumonia & the discovery that I must have surgery on both eyes to remove cataracts.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Yes - your friend should have forewarned you about the emotions that may come up for you in these sessions...but, have you considered that your body needed to get this memory surfaced and dealt with? Did you consider that your other health ailments were unresolved energies that you had not processed (possibly from your trauma)? I am sorry for your ordeal as a child, it's heartbreaking...hopefully, you will see in time that your friend is not to blame and, maybe, you are projecting your anger/grief/sorrow on to them. Peace & Blessings. (emphasis added) Cranial Sacral Therapy & The Dignity of the Human Person (Pt. 1)
"During a flashback, the trauma survivor is usually still relatively aware of his or her current surroundings and situation. There is a kind of doubling of consciousness, i.e., of reliving the past (to which the person also begins to respond) while at the same time partially staying in the present. The dissonance occurring between these parallel experiences can induce survivors to feel 'crazy.'"…During a conscious flashback, there is usually a strong visual component of the traumatic memory, implying that there is a cognitive dimension to the re-experienced trauma. Trauma survivors are also partially aware of their present circumstances, and usually remember the contents of the flashback afterwards. This combined awareness of both the trauma and the present situation can give rise to a confused sense of time. Although both the trauma and the present situation are experienced in the present, the current circumstances may be experienced in a more depersonalized manner."
A practitioner was approached by a client who wasn't in psychotherapy and wanted to address her abuse issues through bodywork. The practitioner had very limited training in working with survivors but wanted to assist the client in her healing process. In the course of their work together, the client began to have flashbacks during the treatments. The practitioner felt she should let the client fully experience these memories and would process what happened afterward. After several weeks of treatment, the client began to experience more uncontrollable, intense and disabling flashbacks on buses, in the supermarket and frequently upon entering the practitioner's office. The practitioner's lack of training in this area resulted in a damaging situation for the client and a lawsuit against the practitioner. In this case, the practitioner did not understand the significance of the flashbacks and how to deal with them. She did not realize the client needed psychotherapy and other support systems in place. She lacked outside supervision to guide her work when questions or difficulties arose.
No one should be the subject of medical or genetic experimentation, even if it is therapeutic, unless the person ...first has given free and informed consent. (emphasis added)
Man can turn to good only in freedom, ...man's dignity demands that he act according to a knowing and free choice that is personally motivated and prompted from within...
Posted by heirsinhope at 10/23/2012 10:03:00 PM
Friday, October 05, 2012
This a.m. I prayed the Church's Simple Exorcism for the abolition of abortion, for the end of sexual sins, particularly those that offend the consciences of children, as well as for conversions of those who ignore or battle against Our Lord, Jesus Christ. This Simple Exorcism may be prayed by the laity omitting the portion between the blue asterisks (*) to "'curb the power of the devil and prevent him from doing harm.' As St. Peter [has] written in Holy Scripture, 'your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, goeth about seeking whom he may devour.' (1 St.Peter 5,8)" (Before praying the Simple Exorcism, obtain some holy water to bless yourself & to sprinkle after saying the prayer.)
"The Holy Father exhorts priests to say this prayer as often as possible, as a simple exorcism to curb the power of the devil and prevent him from doing harm. The FAITHFUL ALSO MAY SAY IT in their own name, for the same purpose, as any approved prayer. Its use is recommended whenever action of the devil is suspected, causing malice in men, violent temptations and even storms and various calamities." (emphasis added)
This is not a Solemn Exorcism which must be prayed in Latin by an exorcist & requires a bishops approval. But recently, a friend brought the following to my attention: "'When I am asked how many demons there are, I answer with the words that the demon himself spoke through a demonic: ‘We are so many that, if we were visible, we would darken the sun.'" (An Exorcist Tells His Story by Father Gabrielle Amorth, Chief Exorcist of the Vatican). (emphasis added)
We're under attack but we must not think we are helpless or that all is hopeless. Jesus Christ won the victory over Satan & over death by dying on the Cross. The question now is how many of us will accept that victory & how many reject it. Those who accept Christ's victory can & MUST FIGHT BACK on their own behalf but also on behalf of others dazzled & trapped in sin & especially on behalf of children & babies. Children are being brought up to believe sin is virtue & the world reinforces what they have learned; babies are being ripped apart in the womb.
If we are faithful Christians, we must engage in the battle. We cannot just stand aside & think it doesn't affect us. Prayer is our #1 weapon; we cannot fight alone; we can only fight nestled in the arms of Christ & the powers of Heaven. Scripture, the saints & every faithful Christian that believes the Bible is actually God's Word, whether Catholic or Protestant, knows that war is God's punishment for sin. About 620,000 Americans were killed in the Civil War - the cost of slavery. What would punishment for abortion & the offenses against the consciences of children result in? Do we really need to know? Perhaps if we, who have done little to actually stop abortion & sins against children, truly repent & enter the battle against "spirits in the high places" using the gifts of fasting & prayer that God has given us, He will forgive & withhold His hand against us. And even if He doesn't, this is a fight we must enter at some point - either now or later. Let's become spiritual ninjas, calmly & quietly Fasting & Praying.
Posted by heirsinhope at 10/05/2012 01:46:00 PM
Friday, September 28, 2012
Ignitum Today is a Catholic news, entertainment & information site that I've subscribed to recently. An excellent review of Shaun T's, Insanity
which unpacks the Catholic spiritual dimension of the popular workout tapes evoked a comment which grew & grew into a post:
Until I became ill, I mostly taught the parts of dance one doesn't see in music videos: jazz barre & ballet technique. My goddaughter, who was studying drama & ballet in Moscow, took my jazz barre during a visit to NYC. I thought she'd find it easy but afterwards, in evident pain, she told me there was more core work than she had expected. Reading You're Insane on Ignitum Today, I finally realize why she went back to Moscow, left her faith & became a Muslim which is one of the painful experiences of my life.
As a child she had adopted me, the girl who rented the top floor of her mom's house. She'd been baptized & was taken to Mass on Christmas & Easter but only sporadically on other Sundays - HDOs were not acknowledged. Her mother was divorced & unable to help the girl who wanted to know how her sins could be forgiven. She came to me because I was friendly, religious, spent a lot of time at church & God was frequently in my conversation. I explained the process. We became friends & had many conversations. Eventually, she decided to call me "godmother" & I was happy to have such a role in her life. Then came the glamour & prestige of Moscow & finally becoming Muslim perhaps because it pleased her earthly father, who paid the bills, though not her heavenly One who gave her all. She didn't discuss becoming Muslim with me until after making the decision.
Christianity demanded too much core work just as Shaun T does, just as my barre did. It demanded too much heart. She went for less rather than more though I'm sure she imagined she was reaching for an immensity. She used to tell me she loved the Constitution & she shone when she spoke of it. Her desires that her sins be forgiven were so sincere yet she is of a belief that will never let her know whether she has been forgiven until death. And how did she stop believing Jesus Christ was the Son of God who died for her sins? Recently, she published clips of her activity in Moscow & I wondered how she could have forgotten truths she knew so well as a child. The clips show a girl working to make lies acceptable. The shine has gone though she is so beautiful. The immense love cannot be seen.
For years, I have prayed that she might remember her childhood but that's You're Insane has made it clear that it isn't the past she needs, it's core strength, it's God's Cor uniting with her cor, the Heart that longs for her to restart the heart that once longed for Him. So now I will pray that God send her whatever she needs to become strong at the core of her being, in her heart. Baptism creates an ontological change which cannot be undone. Through baptism, we become a new creation. It takes work to live that newness but nothing can make it go away. May God grant all who have been baptized into His Body whatever we need to become strong in the very center of our being.
Do check out Ignitum Today. It's an excellent read w/ lots of great features.
Posted by heirsinhope at 9/28/2012 11:21:00 PM
Monday, September 17, 2012
Ken called a radio program in DC & told his story of being the child of a girl who had been raped at the age of 15. She did not abort her son but gave birth to him & gave him up for adoption. Before he knew the details of his conception, Ken was so grateful that he'd been adopted, as a teenager, he made a vow to God to adopt someday. His story is worth listening to. He is worth listening to. When he says if he met his biological father he'd punch him, I totally agree. I'd punch him too. Rape is horrible! And I know! Personally!
What if my parents had decided that because I'd been raped they would kill me? What if we killed everyone who had been sinned against? That's what aborting the child who is conceived as a result of rape means - killing those who have been sinned against & sinning against their mothers too. I've struggled to live w/ being raped since I was four & it's been hard - it still is. But w/ God's grace, w/ the Body of Christ, w/ help from the right professionals, w/ the love of friends & the love of parents who ultimately sent me to safety & saved my life, I've done it & continue to do it. It's possible to live w/ the results of being sinned against. It's possible to do more than that. Through Christ, we not only gain the strength to live w/ suffering, we gain the gift of resurrection, of triumph over suffering.
As an adopted child, Ken gained a mother, a father & two siblings. He is the father of his own family now, including an adopted daughter. Ken has met his birth mother, her husband & their children - his siblings - they love him & are happy that he is part of their family. The fruit of a courageous 15 year old's decision is three, happy families that seem to be becoming one & the gift, to all of us, of knowing that we can be courageous. We can triumph over the crimes & sins committed against us. We needn't sweep them under the rug as if they didn't happen. In fact, if we do try to make them disappear, we will only create death when we might have such abundant life.
(h/t to Deidre McQuade who wrote of Ken's story at Life Issues Forum on the USCCB's website.)
Friday, August 10, 2012
Post-Comfortable Christianity and the Election of 2012
Tragedy and comedy intertwine, ultimately issuing in glory, whenever he is on trial. He longs to live and to die in the same breath: ”For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:210). Whenever he is on trial for his life, he invokes a forensic brilliance to save the very life he is willing to sacrifice. Just as Jesus who had come into the world to die, slipped through the mob in Nazareth because his hour had not yet come, so does Paul become his own defense when on trial, ready to die by God’s calendar and not man’s. In Caesarea, he confounds Antonius Felix, the Roman governor of Judaea and Samaria, and a little later he does the same to the successor of Felix, Procius Festus. The best court scene is Paul before Marcus Annaeus Novatus, who had taken the name of his adoptive father Junius Gallio, the rhetorician and friend of his father Seneca Sr. whose son Seneca, Jr. was the noble Stoic. Nero forced Seneca’s suicide, but before that, in Achaia where Gallio was proconsul, Paul was bit of a Rumpole of the Bailey, in how he played the jury like a piano to the frustration of the judge. The point is this: Paul, both innocent and shrewd, was willing to suffer and did so regularly, as he was not loathe to recount at length, and he was also ready to die, but as death comes but once, he wanted it to be at the right moment.
There is in Paul a model for Catholics at the start of the Third Millennium which began with fireworks and Ferris wheels but is now entering a sinister stage. Like Paul, it is not possible to be a Christian without living for Christ by suffering for him, nor is it possible to be a Christian without willing to die for him when he wants. The Christian veneer of American culture has cracked and underneath is the inverse of the blithe Christianity that took shape in the various enthusiasms of the nineteenth century and ended when voters were under the impression that they finally had a Catholic president.
This new period is not “Post-Christian” because nothing comes after Christ. We can, however, call it “Post-Comfortable Christian.” Niebuhr, looking out from New York’s Neo-Athens on Morningside Heights with its Modernist Christian seminaries and highly endowed preaching palaces and office towers of denominational bureaucracies, caricatured the Messiah of mainline religiosity: ”A God without wrath brought men without sin into a kingdom without judgment through the ministrations of a Christ without a cross.” The virtual collapse of those institutions on Morningside Heights, is mute testimony to the truth of his irony.
The bishops of the United States have asked the faithful to pray for religious liberty, now facing unprecedented assault. The national election in November, 2012 will either give Christians one last chance to rally, or it will be the last free election in our nation. This can only sound like hyperbole to those who are unaware of what happened to the Slavic lands after World War I and to Western Europe in the 1930’s. St. Paul was writing to us when he wrote to the Galatians and Corinthians and Washingtonians – or rather, Romans – in his lifetime.
Unless there is a dramatic reversal in the present course of our nation, those who measured their Catholicism by the Catholic schools they attended, will soon find most of those institutions officially pinching incense to the ephemeral genius of their secular leaders, and universities once called Catholic will be no more Catholic than Brown is Baptist or Princeton is Presbyterian. The surrender will not come by a sudden loss of faith in Transubstantiation or doubts about Papal Infallibility. It will happen smoothly and quietly, as the raptures of the Netherworld always hum victims into somnolence, by the cost factor of buying out of government health insurance. Catholic businessmen with more than fifty employees will be in the same bind. Catholic institutions and small businesses owned by those with religious and moral reservations about government-imposed policies, will wither within a very short time, unable to bear the burden of confiscatory tax penalties. As analysts have figured, an employer offering a health plan that does not comply with the preventive services package and other requirements under the federal health plan could be subject to a confiscatory penalty. The fine, imposed through a civil penalty or excise tax on a non-exempted religious employer could be as much as $100 a day for each employee insured under a plan at variance with federal law. The burden would amount then to $36,500 for each employee.
Add to that the approaching discrimination against Catholics seeking positions in commerce and public life. Catholics will not be suitable for public charities, medicine, education, journalism, or in the legal profession, especially judgeships and law enforcement. As the bishops, by the acknowledgement of many of their own number, failed to articulate the cogency of doctrines on contraception and other moral issues, so will they now, despite the best intentions, not be able to stem the radical attrition among native Catholics whose eyes are on mammon, and among recent immigrants whose privileges are guaranteed only if they vote for opponents of the Church. The general election of 2012 may rally the fraction of conscientious Catholics among the sixty million or so sympathetic Catholics. If their influence is not decisive, and the present course of federal legislation accelerates, encouraged by a self-destructive appetite for welfare statism on the part of ecclesiastical bureaucrats, the majority of Catholics with tenuous commitments to the Faith will evaporate, as did the lapsed baptized in North Africa during the oppression of the emperor Diocletian.
Should the present direction of the federal government be endorsed by a reiterative vote in the November elections, more blatant threats to the Church will begin, culminating in a punitive suspension of tax exemptions on church properties, once the Church’s moral precepts are coded as offenses against civil rights. The test case in this instance will be what is known in Orwellian diction as “same sex marriage.” In the Supreme Court case, McCulloch v. Maryland, argued in 1819, the same year that Daniel Webster reduced Chief Justice Marshall to tears in the Dartmouth College case which vouchsafed private charters, Webster said: “An unlimited power to tax involves, necessarily, a power to destroy.” Chief Justice Marshall, an antecedent of Chief Justice Roberts, said “That the power of taxing (the bank) by the States may be exercised so as to destroy it, is too obvious to be denied, and that the power to tax involves the power to destroy (is) not to be denied.”
St. Paul would have understood this. After all, he lived through its precedents. His self-defense in the secular courts showed his disdain for bravado and theatrical martyrdom. He enjoyed common sense, reason, and native intelligence in outwitting evil, for he knew as did St. John Vianney, who was not as bright as the student of Gamaliel but whose heart was at least as large, that “the Devil is stupid.” Because of that, the Devil can only get his way with the help of stupid Catholics.
This year offers the best and possibly last chance to see how many actually obey Christ’s pastoral instruction in a conflicted world: “Behold, I am sending you out as a sheep among wolves, so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matt. 10:16). (http://www.crisismagazine.com/2012/the-election-of-2012)
Posted by heirsinhope at 8/10/2012 08:27:00 AM
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
Several weeks ago I had an experience that caused me to flashback to the 1st time I was raped. I'm ready to write about portions of the experience, especially what I've learned about the trigger & how this whole experience relates to being a faithful Catholic. I don't want to identify the other person involved so please forgive the somewhat tortured use of language - writing w/o personal pronouns is difficult. Regarding comments, please remember, this is a Catholic blog. I ask those who want to leave comments referring to Cranial Sacral Therapy (CST) to limit themselves to the Church's teachings on New Age practices which can be found in the Papal Encyclical, Jesus Christ the Bearer of the Water of Life (JCBWL). Those who want a CST blog need only search the web to find a great many.
I've discovered my 1st issue is delineating what happened & giving some initial thought to the other person involved. How do I respond to someone who knew my story, knew the horrors I faced in my childhood, had also experienced similar horrors, was, I thought, a very dear friend & yet chose to try to force memories from me?
My friend presented cranial sacral therapy (CST) as a gentle massage technique that helps engage the parasympathetic nervous system. One thing the parasympathetic nervous system does is allow us to enter deep relaxation & deep relaxation aids healing. Before I began sessions, I researched the parasympathetic nervous system & read a book about CST, Your Inner Physician by Dr. John Upledger. The book raised some serious questions. Upledger sees CST as a way to access what he calls "the inner physician." My friend found the idea attractive & on some levels it is but it's also wrong. We talked about it a couple of times & I insisted that all healing comes from God. God has fashioned our bodies to participate in His work of healing & has given some people knowledge & talents that allow them to participate in His work but He has not given us an "inner physician" that when accessed will tell practitioners of CST how to heal our bodies. My friend agreed that healing comes from God & told me that practitioners of CST don't exactly know how or why it works. That didn't bother me because my doctors don't know how much of the medication I take works.
Another issue for me is that I don't like being touched in certain places. We're not talking about private areas, just places that feel weird when touched. My friend was happy not to touch me on those areas & though I had some other concerns, they were so vague, I didn't know how to express them & I thought all was well. Given that my friend & I seemed to be on the same page in terms of being faithful to Church teaching & this was a dear friend whom I trusted, I thought we could address any other issues when I had the words to express them.
After a few sessions of CST, my rheumatologist felt the fibromyalgia was improving & that my left knee, which has damage from rheumatoid arthritis as well as years of dancing, was better. I told several friends in DC about CST & how it was helping me & they were thrilled. Then my financial situation changed as did my friend's schedule & essentially, a couple of months passed w/o any CST sessions.
I kept asking my friend to get together so we could dance & then one day, my friend asked me to be a guinea pig to try out what had been recently taught in a workshop. We decided to get together, eat, dance & then have a CST session. During the 1st part of the session while working on my left thigh, my friend, told me I had some "congestion" in the thigh. The muscles were twitching. My friend asked if it twitched on other occasions & since I had experienced occasional twitching in that thigh, I affirmed it had. Throughout the time of working on my left leg, my friend spoke to me about what was happening. As my friend worked on my leg, I experienced a disturbing series of images: I was watching young children playing in what seemed to be huge, spent cartridge shells - so huge, a child was able to climb inside. They were on the edge of a garbage heap; the image reminded me of the favelas in Brazil. Suddenly, a jeep drove up & a blond man of Nordic appearance wearing fatigues & a leather cowboy-type hat shot the children. Blood, flowing from the cartridges, covered the ground; I knew the children were dead. I also knew I had never personally experienced anything of the sort & thought it was based on my awareness of Brazil's history of killing street children. It never occurred to me to wonder why those images arose at that moment.
Then my friend moved to work on my head & began pressing against it. Almost immediately my friend asked if I was okay. I replied, yes. At that moment, I was okay. My friend kept pressing & pressing. I felt my hair being gathered up & pushed aside as if my friend was trying to get to my scalp. As I used my hands to cover the part of my shoulders that I didn't want touched, my elbows were bent. All of a sudden, my arms began shaking uncontrollably like the beating of a hummingbird's wings & then I was reliving the 1st time I was raped when I was 4 years old.
Previously, in therapy, I had explored memories of the rape. Memory is odd. It has dimension just as time & space do. My previous memories were akin to viewing a 2D picture. That night, my friend "upgraded" me to 3D, even 4D memories. As my friend continued to press my head & my arms continued to beat uncontrollably & I kept reliving the rape, I wanted to say stop but my mouth wouldn't speak. Finally, I said something such as, I'm not doing very well here. I recall "my friend's" voice - silky, enticing, icky - asking me if I wanted to stop. It made no sense that "my friend" would ask me such a question. Why didn't "my friend" just stop? I finally pushed out the word, YES. "My friend" stopped, finally. Then that silky, icky voice was asking me if there were any memories I wanted to share. My arms continued to beat uncontrollably, the images that had been triggered continued to play in my mind & heart, I was so cold I felt I'd never be able to get warm & "my friend" was asking me if I wanted to share memories?! It was bizarre! Absolutely bizarre! I said no to sharing memories & asked for blankets. I wanted to know why my arms were shaking & didn't stop. "My friend" said something about memories. Then, "my friend" told me of feeling "resistance" in my head. But "my friend" had not mentioned resistance while actually pressing my head. I wanted this person out of my house. I went into fight or flight mode, became really nice (though I wanted to hurt "my friend"). I said & did whatever was necessary to appear normal so "my friend" would leave. When I was alone, I curled up in fetal position under a blanket & watched a video until I was finally able to sleep.
The next day, the 4D memories wouldn't stop. I didn't know what was happening to me. "My friend" & I were both at a social occasion. I had tried to walk across the room so we could speak & felt as if I'd hit a wall. Suddenly, I was utterly fatigued & in a great deal of pain. I asked another friend for a ride home. That evening, I called friends in DC & learned I was having serious flashbacks (I'd never experienced anything so horrid). One friend told me she had wanted to warn me about CST but hadn't because it seemed to be helping. I told her that in the future, she was to warn me. After explaining what was happening to me, she suggested I search for "CST + new age." When I did, page after page appeared; I couldn't read them at the time. On several occasions, that 1st week, I tried talking to "my friend" & simply couldn't; I felt happy when I missed a phone call. Following the suggestion of another friend, I sent "my friend" an email saying the CST had triggered flashbacks & I wasn't able to talk now. I avoided going out & spent most of my time hiding under a blanket on the sofa. On Saturday, close friends were celebrating their daughter's birthday. I went to the party since it would force me to go out & buy groceries (I kept putting it off 'til I hadn't any food left). Being around so many people hurt. I wanted to scream. After a few minutes, I left to get groceries & returned home. At Mass, the next day, I begged God to help me - I hadn't cried; I couldn't cry. I began to sob & sob. That day, I discovered I could be around 1 or 2 close friends but crowds were out. Later that week, I learned there are some people I'm just not comfortable being around & I have no idea why. During a "Fortnight for Freedom" homily, I ran out of the church because the homilist was graphically describing episodes from the time of the Cristeros war. A week later, I demanded a friend stop relating similar graphic scenes.
Over the past few weeks, I've gone from a basket case to a bit better. Since seeing a therapist may be a valid possibility, I asked for help finding someone. Thus far, I've seen him twice. He said it's sad that I'm not speaking w/ "my friend" & I agreed at the time. But after giving it some thought, I'm not so sure it is sad. Had "my friend" felt "resistance," told me about it, explained what it might mean & what might happen, if I had then given permission to continue & experienced flashbacks as a result, it would be sad because I would have chosen to take the risk. But I wasn't given an opportunity to choose. I don't think that's the way friends behave.
I realize I'm relieved not to talk w/ "my friend." I feel as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I now know CST is extremely dangerous but I haven't the energy to try to convince "my friend." Oh, eventually I'll talk w/ "my friend." I'll even refer "my friend" to information on why CST is so dangerous & in opposition to the teachings of the Catholic Church. Right now, I'm recovering from an infection & then there's a course of chemo to undergo. Life is already filled w/ responsibilities. I'd be foolish to add more.
In part 2, I plan to write more about the dangers of CST, how it's opposed to Church teaching & the ways practitioners fail to respect the dignity of the human person.
Posted by heirsinhope at 8/07/2012 09:44:00 PM