Core Strength

Ignitum Today is a Catholic news, entertainment & information site that I've subscribed to recently. An excellent review of Shaun T's, Insanity
which unpacks the Catholic spiritual dimension of the popular workout tapes evoked a comment which grew & grew into a post:

Until I became ill, I mostly taught the parts of dance one doesn't see in music videos: jazz barre & ballet technique. My goddaughter, who was studying drama & ballet in Moscow, took my jazz barre during a visit to NYC. I thought she'd find it easy but afterwards, in evident pain, she told me there was more core work than she had expected. Reading You're Insane on Ignitum Today, I finally realize why she went back to Moscow, left her faith & became a Muslim which is one of the painful experiences of my life.

As a child she had adopted me, the girl who rented the top floor of her mom's house. She'd been baptized & was taken to Mass on Christmas & Easter but only sporadically on other Sundays - HDOs were not acknowledged. Her mother was divorced & unable to help the girl who wanted to know how her sins could be forgiven. She came to me because I was friendly, religious, spent a lot of time at church & God was frequently in my conversation. I explained the process. We became friends & had many conversations. Eventually, she decided to call me "godmother" & I was happy to have such a role in her life. Then came the glamour & prestige of Moscow & finally becoming Muslim perhaps because it pleased her earthly father, who paid the bills, though not her heavenly One who gave her all. She didn't discuss becoming Muslim with me until after making the decision.

Christianity demanded too much core work just as Shaun T does, just as my barre did. It demanded too much heart. She went for less rather than more though I'm sure she imagined she was reaching for an immensity. She used to tell me she loved the Constitution & she shone when she spoke of it. Her desires that her sins be forgiven were so sincere yet she is of a belief that will never let her know whether she has been forgiven until death. And how did she stop believing Jesus Christ was the Son of God who died for her sins? Recently, she published clips of her activity in Moscow & I wondered how she could have forgotten truths she knew so well as a child. The clips show a girl working to make lies acceptable. The shine has gone though she is so beautiful. The immense love cannot be seen.

For years, I have prayed that she might remember her childhood but that's You're Insane has made it clear that it isn't the past she needs, it's core strength, it's God's Cor uniting with her cor, the Heart that longs for her to restart the heart that once longed for Him. So now I will pray that God send her whatever she needs to become strong at the core of her being, in her heart. Baptism creates an ontological change which cannot be undone. Through baptism, we become a new creation. It takes work to live that newness but nothing can make it go away. May God grant all who have been baptized into His Body whatever we need to become strong in the very center of our being.

Do check out Ignitum Today. It's an excellent read w/ lots of great features.

A Voice For The Voiceless

Ken called a radio program in DC & told his story of being the child of a girl who had been raped at the age of 15. She did not abort her son but gave birth to him & gave him up for adoption. Before he knew the details of his conception, Ken was so grateful that he'd been adopted, as a teenager, he made a vow to God to adopt someday. His story is worth listening to. He is worth listening to. When he says if he met his biological father he'd punch him, I totally agree. I'd punch him too. Rape is horrible! And I know! Personally!

What if my parents had decided that because I'd been raped they would kill me? What if we killed everyone who had been sinned against? That's what aborting the child who is conceived as a result of rape means - killing those who have been sinned against & sinning against their mothers too. I've struggled to live w/ being raped since I was four & it's been hard - it still is. But w/ God's grace, w/ the Body of Christ, w/ help from the right professionals, w/ the love of friends & the love of parents who ultimately sent me to safety & saved my life, I've done it & continue to do it. It's possible to live w/ the results of being sinned against. It's possible to do more than that. Through Christ, we not only gain the strength to live w/ suffering, we gain the gift of resurrection, of triumph over suffering.

As an adopted child, Ken gained a mother, a father & two siblings. He is the father of his own family now, including an adopted daughter. Ken has met his birth mother, her husband & their children - his siblings - they love him & are happy that he is part of their family. The fruit of a courageous 15 year old's decision is three, happy families that seem to be becoming one & the gift, to all of us, of knowing that we can be courageous. We can triumph over the crimes & sins committed against us. We needn't sweep them under the rug as if they didn't happen. In fact, if we do try to make them disappear, we will only create death when we might have such abundant life.

(h/t to Deidre McQuade who wrote of Ken's story at Life Issues Forum on the USCCB's website.)

Rather Than Preach to the Choir, We Need to Preach to Lapsed & "Cultural" Catholics

Post-Comfortable Christianity and the Election of 2012

by Rev. George W. Rutler

Shortly before he died in Oxford in 1988, the Jesuit retreat master and raconteur, Bernard Bassett, in good spirits after a double leg amputation, told me that the great lights of his theological formation had been Ignatius Loyola and John Henry Newman, but if he “had to do it all over,” he’d only read Paul.  “Everything is there.”  There is a temptation to think that God gave us the Apostle to the Gentiles in order to have second readings at Sunday Mass, usually unrelated to the first reading and the Gospel.  But everything truly is there.  Paul was one of the most important figures in human history, and a great character to boot.  That is, a character in the happiest sense of the word.  “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain” (1 Cor 15:10).

Tragedy and comedy intertwine, ultimately issuing in glory, whenever he is on trial.  He longs to live and to die in the same breath: ”For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:210).  Whenever he is on trial for his life, he invokes a forensic brilliance to save the very life he is willing to sacrifice.  Just as Jesus who had come into the world to die, slipped through the mob in Nazareth because his hour had not yet come, so does Paul become his own defense when on trial, ready to die by God’s calendar and not man’s.  In Caesarea, he confounds Antonius Felix, the Roman governor of Judaea and Samaria, and a little later he does the same  to the successor of Felix, Procius Festus.   The best court scene is Paul before Marcus Annaeus Novatus, who had taken the name of his adoptive father Junius Gallio, the rhetorician and friend of his father Seneca Sr. whose son Seneca, Jr. was the noble Stoic.  Nero forced Seneca’s suicide, but before that, in Achaia where Gallio was proconsul, Paul was bit of a Rumpole of the Bailey, in how he played the jury like a piano to the frustration of the judge.  The point is this:  Paul, both innocent and shrewd, was willing to suffer and did so regularly, as he was not loathe to recount at length, and he was also ready to die, but as death comes but once, he wanted it to be at the right moment.

There is in Paul a model for Catholics at the start of the Third Millennium which began with fireworks and Ferris wheels but is now entering a sinister stage.  Like Paul, it is not possible to be a Christian without living for Christ by suffering for him, nor is it possible to be a Christian without willing to die for him when he wants.   The Christian veneer of  American culture has cracked and underneath is the inverse of the blithe Christianity that took shape in the various enthusiasms of the nineteenth century and ended when voters were under the impression that they finally had a Catholic president.

This new period is not “Post-Christian” because nothing comes after Christ.   We can, however, call it “Post-Comfortable Christian.”  Niebuhr, looking out from New York’s Neo-Athens on Morningside Heights with its Modernist Christian seminaries and highly endowed preaching palaces and office towers of denominational bureaucracies, caricatured the Messiah of mainline religiosity: ”A God without wrath brought men without sin into a kingdom without judgment through the ministrations of a Christ without a cross.”  The virtual collapse of  those institutions on Morningside Heights, is mute testimony to the truth of his irony.

The bishops of the United States have asked the faithful to pray for religious liberty, now facing unprecedented assault. The national election in November, 2012 will either give Christians one last chance to rally, or it will be the last free election in our nation.  This can only sound like hyperbole to those who are unaware of what happened to the Slavic lands after World War I and to Western Europe in the 1930’s.   St. Paul  was writing to us when he wrote to the Galatians and Corinthians and Washingtonians – or rather, Romans – in his lifetime.

Unless there is a dramatic reversal in the present course of our nation, those who measured their Catholicism by the Catholic schools they attended, will soon find most of those institutions officially pinching incense to the ephemeral genius of their secular leaders, and universities once called Catholic will be no more Catholic than Brown is Baptist or Princeton is Presbyterian. The surrender will not come by a sudden loss of faith in Transubstantiation or doubts about Papal Infallibility.   It will happen smoothly and quietly, as the raptures of the Netherworld always hum victims into somnolence, by the cost factor of buying out of government health insurance.  Catholic businessmen with more than fifty employees will be in the same bind.  Catholic institutions and small businesses owned by those with religious and moral reservations about government-imposed policies, will wither within a very short time, unable to bear the burden of confiscatory tax penalties. As analysts have figured, an employer offering a health plan that does not comply with the preventive services package and other requirements under the federal health plan could be subject to a confiscatory penalty. The fine, imposed through a civil penalty or excise tax on a non-exempted religious employer could be as much as $100 a day for each employee insured under a plan at variance with federal law.  The burden would amount then to $36,500 for each employee.

Add to that the approaching discrimination against Catholics seeking positions in commerce and public life.  Catholics will not be suitable for public charities, medicine, education, journalism, or in the legal profession, especially judgeships and law enforcement.  As the bishops, by the acknowledgement of many of their own number, failed to articulate the cogency of doctrines on contraception and other moral issues,  so will they now, despite the best intentions, not be able to stem the radical attrition among native Catholics whose eyes are on mammon, and among recent immigrants whose privileges are guaranteed only if they vote for opponents of the Church.  The general election of 2012 may rally the fraction of conscientious Catholics among the sixty million or so sympathetic Catholics. If their influence is not decisive, and the present course of federal legislation accelerates, encouraged by a self-destructive appetite for welfare statism  on the part of ecclesiastical bureaucrats, the majority of Catholics with tenuous commitments to the Faith will evaporate, as did the lapsed baptized in North Africa during the oppression of the emperor Diocletian.

Should the present direction of the federal government be endorsed by a reiterative vote in the November elections, more blatant threats to the Church will begin, culminating in a punitive suspension of tax exemptions on church properties, once the Church’s moral precepts are coded as offenses against civil rights. The test case in this instance will be what is known in Orwellian diction as “same sex marriage.”  In the Supreme Court case, McCulloch v. Maryland, argued in 1819, the same year that Daniel Webster reduced Chief Justice Marshall to tears in the Dartmouth College case which vouchsafed private charters,  Webster said: “An unlimited power to tax involves, necessarily, a power to destroy.”  Chief Justice Marshall, an antecedent of Chief Justice Roberts, said “That the power of taxing (the bank) by the States may be exercised so as to destroy it, is too obvious to be denied, and that the power to tax involves the power to destroy (is) not to be denied.”

St. Paul would have understood this. After all, he lived through its precedents. His self-defense in the secular courts showed his disdain for bravado and theatrical martyrdom.  He enjoyed common sense, reason, and native intelligence in outwitting evil, for he knew as did St. John Vianney, who was not as bright as the student of Gamaliel but whose heart was at least as large, that “the Devil is stupid.”  Because of that, the Devil can only get his way with the help of stupid Catholics.
This year offers the best and possibly last chance to see how many actually obey Christ’s pastoral instruction in a conflicted world:  “Behold, I am sending you out as a sheep among wolves, so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matt. 10:16). (http://www.crisismagazine.com/2012/the-election-of-2012)

Cranial Sacral Therapy & The Dignity of the Human Person (Pt. 1)

Several weeks ago I had an experience that caused me to flashback to the 1st time I was raped. I'm ready to write about portions of the experience, especially what I've learned about the trigger & how this whole experience relates to being a faithful Catholic. I don't want to identify the other person involved so please forgive the somewhat tortured use of language - writing w/o personal pronouns is difficult. Regarding comments, please remember, this is a Catholic blog. I ask those who want to leave comments referring to Cranial Sacral Therapy (CST) to limit themselves to the Church's teachings on New Age practices which can be found in the Papal Encyclical, Jesus Christ the Bearer of the Water of Life (JCBWL). Those who want a CST blog need only search the web to find a great many.


I've discovered my 1st issue is delineating what happened & giving some initial thought to the other person involved. How do I respond to someone who knew my story, knew the horrors I faced in my childhood, had also experienced similar horrors, was, I thought, a very dear friend & yet chose to try to force memories from me?

My friend presented cranial sacral therapy (CST) as a gentle massage technique that helps engage the parasympathetic nervous system. One thing the parasympathetic nervous system does is allow us to enter deep relaxation & deep relaxation aids healing. Before I began sessions, I researched the parasympathetic nervous system & read a book about CST,  Your Inner Physician by Dr. John Upledger. The book raised some serious questions. Upledger sees CST as a way to access what he calls "the inner physician." My friend found the idea attractive & on some levels it is but it's also wrong. We talked about it a couple of times & I insisted that all healing comes from God. God has fashioned our bodies to participate in His work of healing & has given some people knowledge & talents that allow them to participate in His work but He has not given us an "inner physician" that when accessed will tell practitioners of CST how to heal our bodies. My friend agreed that healing comes from God & told me that practitioners of CST don't exactly know how or why it works. That didn't bother me because my doctors don't know how much of the medication I take works.

Another issue for me is that I don't like being touched in certain places. We're not talking about private areas, just places that feel weird when touched. My friend was happy not to touch me on those areas & though I had some other concerns, they were so vague, I didn't know how to express them & I thought all was well. Given that my friend & I seemed to be on the same page in terms of being faithful to Church teaching & this was a dear friend whom I trusted, I thought we could address any other issues when I had the words to express them.

After a few sessions of CST, my rheumatologist felt the fibromyalgia was improving & that my left knee, which has damage from rheumatoid arthritis as well as years of dancing, was better. I told several friends in DC about CST & how it was helping me & they were thrilled. Then my financial situation changed as did my friend's schedule & essentially, a couple of months passed w/o any CST sessions.

I kept asking my friend to get together so we could dance & then one day, my friend asked me to be a guinea pig to try out what had been recently taught in a workshop. We decided to get together, eat, dance & then have a CST session. During the 1st part of the session while working on my left thigh, my friend, told me I had some "congestion" in the thigh. The muscles were twitching. My friend asked if it twitched on other occasions & since I had experienced occasional twitching in that thigh, I affirmed it had. Throughout the time of working on my left leg, my friend spoke to me about what was happening. As my friend worked on my leg, I experienced a disturbing series of images: I was watching young children playing in what seemed to be huge, spent cartridge shells - so huge, a child was able to climb inside. They were on the edge of a garbage heap; the image reminded me of the favelas in Brazil. Suddenly, a jeep drove up & a blond man of Nordic appearance wearing fatigues & a leather cowboy-type hat shot the children. Blood, flowing from the cartridges, covered the ground; I knew the children were dead. I also knew I had never personally experienced anything of the sort & thought it was based on my awareness of Brazil's history of killing street children. It never occurred to me to wonder why those images arose at that moment.

Then my friend moved to work on my head & began pressing against it. Almost immediately my friend asked if I was okay. I replied, yes. At that moment, I was okay. My friend kept pressing & pressing. I felt my hair being gathered up & pushed aside as if my friend was trying to get to my scalp. As I used my hands to cover the part of my shoulders that I didn't want touched, my elbows were bent. All of a sudden, my arms began shaking uncontrollably like the beating of a hummingbird's wings & then I was reliving the 1st time I was raped when I was 4 years old.

Previously, in therapy, I had explored memories of the rape. Memory is odd. It has dimension just as time & space do. My previous memories were akin to viewing a 2D picture. That night, my friend "upgraded" me to 3D, even 4D memories. As my friend continued to press my head & my arms continued to beat uncontrollably & I kept reliving the rape, I wanted to say stop but my mouth wouldn't speak. Finally, I said something such as, I'm not doing very well here. I recall "my friend's" voice - silky, enticing, icky - asking me if I wanted to stop. It made no sense that "my friend" would ask me such a question. Why didn't "my friend" just stop? I finally pushed out the word, YES. "My friend" stopped, finally. Then that silky, icky voice was asking me if there were any memories I wanted to share. My arms continued to beat uncontrollably, the images that had been triggered continued to play in my mind & heart, I was so cold I felt I'd never be able to get warm & "my friend" was asking me if I wanted to share memories?! It was bizarre! Absolutely bizarre! I said no to sharing memories & asked for blankets. I wanted to know why my arms were shaking & didn't stop. "My friend" said something about memories. Then, "my friend" told me of feeling "resistance" in my head. But "my friend" had not mentioned resistance while actually pressing my head. I wanted this person out of my house. I went into fight or flight mode, became really nice (though I wanted to hurt "my friend"). I said & did whatever was necessary to appear normal so "my friend" would leave. When I was alone, I curled up in fetal position under a blanket & watched a video until I was finally able to sleep.

The next day, the 4D memories wouldn't stop. I didn't know what was happening to me. "My friend" & I were both at a social occasion. I had tried to walk across the room so we could speak & felt as if I'd hit a wall. Suddenly, I was utterly fatigued & in a great deal of pain. I asked another friend for a ride home. That evening, I called friends in DC & learned I was having serious flashbacks (I'd never experienced anything so horrid). One friend told me she had wanted to warn me about CST but hadn't because it seemed to be helping. I told her that in the future, she was to warn me. After explaining what was happening to me, she suggested I search for "CST + new age." When I did, page after page appeared; I couldn't read them at the time. On several occasions, that 1st week, I tried talking to "my friend" & simply couldn't; I felt happy when I missed a phone call. Following the suggestion of another friend, I sent "my friend" an email saying the CST had triggered flashbacks & I wasn't able to talk now. I avoided going out & spent most of my time hiding under a blanket on the sofa. On Saturday, close friends were celebrating their daughter's birthday. I went to the party since it would force me to go out & buy groceries (I kept putting it off 'til I hadn't any food left). Being around so many people hurt. I wanted to scream. After a few minutes, I left to get groceries & returned home. At Mass, the next day, I begged God to help me - I hadn't cried; I couldn't cry. I began to sob & sob. That day, I discovered I could be around 1 or 2 close friends but crowds were out. Later that week, I learned there are some people I'm just not comfortable being around & I have no idea why. During a "Fortnight for Freedom" homily, I ran out of the church because the homilist was graphically describing episodes from the time of the Cristeros war. A week later, I demanded a friend stop relating similar graphic scenes.

Over the past few weeks, I've gone from a basket case to a bit better. Since seeing a therapist may be a valid possibility, I asked for help finding someone. Thus far, I've seen him twice. He said it's sad that I'm not speaking w/ "my friend" & I agreed at the time. But after giving it some thought, I'm not so sure it is sad. Had "my friend" felt "resistance," told me about it, explained what it might mean & what might happen, if I had then given permission to continue & experienced flashbacks as a result, it would be sad because I would have chosen to take the risk. But I wasn't given an opportunity to choose. I don't think that's the way friends behave.

I realize I'm relieved not to talk w/ "my friend." I feel as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I now know CST is extremely dangerous but I haven't the energy to try to convince "my friend." Oh, eventually I'll talk w/ "my friend." I'll even refer "my friend" to information on why CST is so dangerous & in opposition to the teachings of the Catholic Church. Right now, I'm recovering from an infection & then there's a course of chemo to undergo. Life is already filled w/ responsibilities. I'd be foolish to add more.

*****
In part 2, I plan to write more about the dangers of CST, how it's opposed to Church teaching & the ways practitioners fail to respect the dignity of the human person.

When the World Came Crashing Down

Recently, I had an experience that caused me to flashback to the 1st time I was raped. I was between 4 1/2 & 5, there were two men & the world came crashing down. The child I had been died though I was still alive. I have spent many years working to bring her back to life. Parts of her still exist but I will never be the person I was before that experience. Through God's grace, I have found life again or at least I had. This current experience has me teetering on the edge between that shattered child & the integrated adult I had become. There is potential for even greater integration, I know that. But for now, I can only live reality as it is & it is a time of wailing & gnashing of teeth - I can't describe the hell I experience any time I don't exercise every bit of energy I have to push it away & often when I do.

A flashback is partly reliving a past traumatic experience in 3D surround sound. But it also includes the awareness of the terror, fear, shock & horror that I was too young to recognize at the time, that God in His mercy saved me from experiencing then. There are other symptoms: my heart races, my blood pressure rises, I startle easily, some people or places make me feel frightened though I don't know why. Sometimes I feel like a hunted bunny, sometimes I just want my Papa to come & get me as he did then. The odd thing is the memory that is causing so much trouble has long been part of the platter of horrors I was served up in my childhood. But it was a memory not something that claimed my entire being while playing itself over & over in my mind against my will.

A friend encourages me to get a special form of psychotherapy. My income is fixed & I won't be able to afford such expensive therapy for at least 8 months to a year. And, given my previous experience of therapists & studies in psychology, I don't find the thought attractive. It is relatively new therapy (1989) & has been inadequately studied; I fear to expose myself to a treatment devised while on a walk by a therapist who completed her PhD in an unaccredited & now defunct institution especially when those who are trained certify that they will not reveal any information from the training session & the training modalities & materials are not made available to other scientists for study. And certainly at this time, I haven't the energy or ability to choose a therapist wisely: my ability to make appropriate judgements is compromised. I want to be safe & know I would tend to choose the first person who made me feel safe. That's a foolish way to choose a therapist as past experience has taught me.

So what will I do?

First, I know God has pulled me from hell in the past & am very aware that that knowledge is allowing me to get through each moment of the day right now. Memory is horrifying but also a lifeline. When I recall that another friend triggered a series of flashbacks just under two years ago & though it took a year, God brought me through them & sensibilities I thought permanently deadened were returned to life, I have hope. When I recall my belief that I would never heal after experiencing such an abusive childhood but that through God's grace, some therapy & Christian community I found healing & friendships I never imagined, I have hope. When I forget & then remember that Jesus' heart is a safe place & I can remain there forever, I not only have hope but safety. When I find myself being chased by hideous memories, I beg Him to pick me up & tuck me into His heart & He does. So though memory is my enemy it is also the gift that allows me to hope that God's arm is not to short to save me.

Second, I am listening to the Voice of my Friend, Jesus. Listening in a way I've not done before. Some people make me feel uncomfortable, I avoid them. I've told the person whose actions triggered the flashback that I cannot be in contact w/ her for now. Doing so is for her good as well as mine. Intellectually, I know she didn't intend to harm me but she did & the violation & rage I feel is intense. Eventually, we'll need to discuss what occurred but now is not the time. Now, I want to hurt her as she hurt me. I know how easily I could do so: I've lived w/ myself long enough to know how terribly I can hurt people w/ words & attitudes. I'd rather not. The harm it would do to my soul is inconceivable: I may feel like a 4 year old child but I'm an adult & I know better. I also know how to avoid such misbehaviour. She has sent me a note but I shan't open it. I'll put it aside until I can read it fairly & reasonably. Now, I'm ready to respond to it w/ rage even before I know the content; I want to express sentiments that I don't mean except I hurt so badly. I am not the person I would normally be. I am an enraged, terrified, violated child & it's best I remember that. I avoid large groups of people & many other experiences that normally tend to make me feel a bit unsafe or frustrated because I know now my response to them would be excessive. My life has become quieter: listening to P.G. Wodehouse & other lighthearted 19th & early 20th century audio books (including children's books), discussing distributism vs. genuine capitalism (sans most of the regulations & all the subsidies & bailouts) w/ a friend who has a calm personality, spending time w/ another friend & her young children - children are healing. I keep a blanket nearby to swaddle myself & when something occurs that startles me, such as a recent lightening strike & resultant thunder which is so much louder in a city where the buildings are fewer and much farther between, I remind myself of how I used to feel just 2 1/2 weeks ago: I loved lightening & will love it again.

And I am considering therapy. I plan to talk to a priest I know & ask him if he has an affordable suggestion for someone who uses more traditional therapy for trauma survivors. I need someone who is able to exercise his reason & critical facilities, someone who knows me, whom I already know & have reason to believe won't frighten me, who knows the possibilities in Houston & can help me during this time when I can't trust myself to act reasonably.

I keep prayer simple: the prayer to St. Michael, the Anima Christi, the Our Father, the Hail Holy Queen & other short simple prayers seeking protection, assistance & healing.

Finally, I maintain contact w/ old friends even though they are far away. We don't intentionally talk about the flashbacks but if I want to talk about the way I feel, I can. Friends help a great deal.

My dear friend, Dawn Eden has written a book, My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints. I've read it a couple of times & though I can't read it straight through now as I have in the past, an occasional glance helps. One of the things I need to do is cry. I fear I'll never stop crying, that there aren't enough tears to wash away what was done to me but life doesn't allow me to cry indefinitely. Writing a piece such as this or reading a bit of Dawn's book helps me to cry in almost a structured way - so that I'm not keeping it all in & pretending all is just fine (I tried that week 1, it didn't work). Below is a recent interview w/ Dawn that is quite good. If you or anyone you know has experienced sexual abuse or other kinds of abuse or trauma, I highly recommend her book. Please keep me in your prayers. God bless.

I'm still around, having health issues but thinking & planning & occasionally commenting on something I see. Here's a recent comment I made on the blog for the new women's magazine, Verily:

My comment:
"Do you think there are ways that unmarried women can be practicing commitment in small ways to be building character traits that help prepare for lifelong marriages?" I'm not Ashley but I will give my answer to your question: 'Yes!' We can perform our "manifest duties" well: give appropriate notice when we leave a job (sometimes that's more than 2 weeks) or a roommate situation. Pay bills on time. Repay friends when it's really possible & not just when asked or when we've got extra cash. (When do we have extra?) Learn to tell the truth & not what we hope will be the truth (ie: I don't know when I'll be able to repay this so if you can't spare it, please don't make the loan.) Seek to do our jobs well, even the parts we don't like. Ask how we might help when we have downtime. We ought to be making & keeping commitments to serve God & our neighbours: Church at least once each week. Defined prayer times (morning prayer, evening prayer, the Rosary, etc. can be very helpful). We can also engage in what I call "personal giving" so that when we want to slack off, we know the people we would be hurting - it helps enormously if children are involved because it hurts to disappoint a child. (ie: Recently, I remade a flower girl dress for a child in a family of 9 whose eldest son is marrying. They couldn't afford a seamstress. I also loaned shoes & a belt to the mother knowing she can't afford cool accessories but would love to have them. Because I'm ill, the sewing was quite difficult but I couldn't let them down so I did it.) Most of our lives can be spent building our characters so that we are able to make & keep commitments. For most of us, marriage is only the biggest commitment we will make.

Their response:
Alessandre, I love your ideas for small personal commitments. I see them also as ways to serve others. As a single person (not-married), it is so easy to craft my schedule around whatever I would enjoy at that moment. The ideas you gave really reminded me of service and the ways that serving others or being attuned to others can help us develop character. Great points!

Check out Verily's teaser issue. I'm not involved but I'd love your comments since I've been thinking about a project in the same area but different. I'll keep my own comments on Verily & info on my project to myself for now. God bless you all & thanks for hanging in there. I continue to hope for stability in my health but then something changes; that's what it means to live on earth.

Bluebeard

(This post was inspired by a friends post at The Emperor Has No Clothes. Follow the link in her 1st sentence to the article about which inspired her question.)


Bluebeard (Edna St. Vincent Millay)
This door you might not open, and you did;
So enter now, and see for what slight thing
You are betrayed.... Here is no treasure hid,
No cauldron, no clear crystal mirroring
The sought-for truth, no heads of women slain
For greed like yours, no writhings of distress,
But only what you see.... Look yet again—
An empty room, cobwebbed and comfortless.
Yet this alone out of my life I kept
Unto myself, lest any know me quite;
And you did so profane me when you crept
Unto the threshold of this room to-night
That I must never more behold your face.
This now is yours. I seek another place.

A male friend directed me to this poem when he learned I was beginning to work on a women's webzine. It made me pay attention to all the professional women I knew, had known & kept hearing about who, after a time, hated their jobs; to the new mothers who wanted to be with their babies; to the disappointed women who had been convinced that law or accounting or business or medicine was their calling only to discover 20 years later that they were engaged in boring, repetitive activity no matter the level they had achieved. I've known vicious managers & meek receptionists (& vice versa) who after a drink or two tell me they hate their jobs, their lives - people talk to me a lot. With birth control, we peeked behind the forbidden door, into the male world which ought to have been full of glorious treasure only to find that men had sacrificed their souls to care for their families..We insisted that we could do as they did but we never asked what we might be losing or what we might be taking from them.

By & large, we now live in a culture that emasculates men & defeminizes women. Women have been taught to be tough but so many of us never learned to love, never learned to defer because often, being right is much less important than loving another, never learned to be obedient because we began rebelling as teenagers and didn't know how to listen to anyone unless involved in negotiations for our own benefit. We don't know how to be women, made in God's image & the crowning glory of His creation just as men don't know how to be man, made in God's image & the lord of His creation. It's not at all surprising, therefore, that neither men nor women are happier. There are, of course, happy individuals but on the whole, our behaviour is not that of happy people.

I shan't revisit the contents of the article in my friend's post but there are a few additional indicators of unhappiness that aren't mentioned: So many men have given up not only on marriage but on any relationships at all: men have been so traumatized by women who screech at them when they hold a door or fail to hold it, they sit at home alone in chat rooms & playing games & yes, on porn sites. In the past five years, I've met a dozen or more men who go on bride meeting holidays in Asian, Eastern European & Latin American countries because non-American women are willing to be wives; those men tell me such trips are numerous & packed. Many women have given up as well. We too have growing relationships w/ our computers & 1/3 of us visit porn sites - it's not just for men anymore.

Birth control gave women everything we were convinced we were missing. Some women are glad. Many of us simply wish we had had mothers to teach us to be wives & homemakers, to be gentle & loving & feminine, to be partners to men rather than competitors. And a very few of us are working to help women who want to be women, who know they can do almost anything but who want to learn to love & support & care for a husband & family & help build the Body of Christ or at least their community in ways that men can't. Certainly that includes work when that is a woman's calling or a family's need but because it's her calling or the family's need not because she is just as good as a man.

And maybe that's why we're so unhappy, because it has always been silly to make male/female relationships into a competition to determine whose better. We're both fallen, we're both rebellious and, if we choose to accept it, we've both been redeemed. Which means being a woman has been redeemed and might be something so glorious, so much more than we imagine if we will be obedient to Christ.

A Modern Conversion Story: God is Great!

In the spring of 2010, I embarked on a project with a doctor, co-writing a book about the vagina. It was to be a funky self-help guide to a woman’s most misunderstood parts: The Vagina, an Owner’s Guide. Part of my remit was to garner as much anecdotal information as possible. I decided to interview prostitutes and Muslims, Catholics and lesbians.

The hookers and gay women were easy talkers. The religious women less so. But I live near Rome and run into nuns every day – what a scoop, to talk to a nun about her vagina! But the approach would be tricky. I knew of a priest through a friend, a youngish man who chatted easily at the grocer’s. Perhaps he could introduce me to an open-minded sister. One March morning, I emailed him: “Dear Father, I am writing a book about vaginas …”

And so the clash of the sacred and profane began. [continue...]

If That's All There Is

I've been watching Christian movies recently, everything from VeggieTales to movies about saints to films about Our Lady's & Our Lord's apparitions (she seems to make visits with messages for the world or healing springs, etc. & He tends to make personal, individual visits). I've been watching personal stories, fiction & documentaries. My requirements have been, does the film recognize that Jesus Christ is Lord & that Christ was crucified, rose from the dead, ascended into Heaven & is with us through the comforter He promised, the Holy Spirit? They don't all enunciate that particular formula but that is the basic premise; if it is not, the film quickly degenerates into ideology & nice warm feelings.

There are many reasons I've been watching Christian movies. The 1st is that afterwards, I feel clean. My background of abuse leaves me susceptible to flashbacks & even now, I must fight the belief that I deserve to be abused. Christian movies don't trigger those negative experiences, they remind me of God's love & actual intention for me which is certainly not more of the evil things that were done to me in the past. Christian movies are another way to focus on Jesus even when my mind is woozy w/ drugs. And I'm interested in what's out there. Christian rock is the fastest growing segment of the music market. It is my hope that Christian films will soon be in a similar position. I want to live in a world that shows me good things not evil. Of course I still watch cartoons & an occasional episode of Buffy or an action or superhero film. But in general, just as I prefer to read good things, I've come to see that I prefer to watch & listen to good things. And finally, many films are like Psalms, they sing praise to God & that's my very favourite thing to do. Every so often, when a film impresses me for good or ill, I plan to write about it.

Recently I watched, A Greater Yes: The Amy Newhouse Story on Netflix. I am happily impressed at the Christian films I can stream or order on Netflix. A Greater Yes is the depiction of Amy Newhouse's response to cancer. At 16, she is clearly God's child, she belongs to Him & has a strong sense of a mission to touch the lives of others for Christ. The Movieguide review says, in part:

The movie A GREATER YES has its heart in the right place. The message is compelling, the emotion strong, and it’s a story that no parent can watch without being moved. The role of Amy is played well, though most of the supporting cast is a bit weak.

The story is very moving, but the script tells but doesn’t show the plot points. All of the scenes are characters talking with no action. Amy’s character is so perfect that she is always perky, even going through the hardest times.

What Movieguide calls perky is actually an indomitable faith in God. As she says, "God always answers my prayers." After suffering six months of grueling side affects from chemotherapy, she believes she has been healed & is ready to take on the world. Though others want her to take a break, she feels she has lived through six inactive months & can't wait another moment to extend God's love to the world. She voices her desire to have a career as a missionary & begins to do everything she can in her own community to share Christ's love. Then the cancer resurfaces, treatment is not working & she is sent home to die. At 1st she wonders why God has left her & stopped answering her prayers but then she discovers that God has been answering "No" because He has a greater yes in store for her.

My main interest in writing about this film (& others too) isn't the cinematography or any of the usual criticisms one encounters in reviews. I'm interested in the message that's portrayed in the story & I think A Greater Yes is missing something, something very important. Amy is the narrator & we come to understand her experience of God through her eyes. Ultimately, I think Amy comes to the right conclusions but she has no sense that suffering is redemptive. Her six inactive months are spent helping a young girl get through chemo, as if God knew she was strong enough to care for the child who was afraid & in need of Amy's childlike faith. Each day, she has her boyfriend invite the school outcast, Jordan, to join his group at lunch. Jordan eventually joins just to get Amy to stop asking & also joins the 6 a.m. prayer group that is praying for Amy's healing; previously, Jordan was a rebel who would not consider prayer. Amy's suffering sparks a revival of faith in a large part of TX. Even today, her story continues to touch hearts & encourage others to love Christ & to persevere. It would have been nice if the other characters were stronger, particularly her parents - I'd have loved to see them sharing their faith with their children. But even without knowing more about them, Amy is very much like St. Therese of Lisieux: she loves Jesus & when the time comes, she suffers with Him. The film doesn't make that clear, just as it fails to make it clear that Amy suffers for Christ - her suffering is a gift that will bring many to Christ just as Christ's suffering made it possible for us to become children of God. (I think Jesus knew we would forget how powerful His sacrifice was so He sends us reminders through people like Amy; it's another way we can know Christ did not leave us alone.) Finally,  I wish she had understood that suffering was also God's gift to her, that God took His dear child, Amy & conformed her to His Son's image: through suffering: she died with Him & she will reign with Him. (See 2 Timothy 2:12)

If suffering only means revival, it's good but it's not much. Helping others is nice but I want more than nice. I want to love like Christ does. I want to heal like Christ does. I want to be made like Christ because that is what God made me to be & only through accepting His will for me can I fully love others; only then is suffering worth it. A person conformed to Christ's image is the most attractive person there is. He (or she) is the only person who can truly win souls to Christ because Christ has been invited to use him/her exactly as He wills.

I highly recommend A Greater Yes: The Story of Amy Newhouse. And I strongly suggest that it be watched while asking the question, is she being conformed to Christ? Though she seems not to be aware of it, she becomes so much like Him, so on fire with Christ's love, her death, so she will be with Christ face-to-face, makes perfect sense even though it is excruciating for those who love her. And though she has died, she will touch more people than the limited few she mentions. God put her in the right place to help the school outcast, put her in the right place to help another child through chemo, He has put her in the right place to show many souls the love of Christ. The God of the living still holds Amy Newhouse in the palm of His hand. She lives with & in Him & she will reign with Him. I have been graced by her story & look forward to meeting her on someday.

Post from 10 Righteous Men

Please, please beg for God's help.

New Project

I have been working on a new project, Ten Righteous Men. I have been praying and asking some of my friends what I could do to help our country. The blog is the answer to those prayers, at least thus far. It's based on Genesis 18: 17-33:

The LORD said, "Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do, seeing that Abraham shall become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall bless themselves by him? No, for I have chosen him, that he may charge his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice; so that the LORD may bring to Abraham what he has promised him." Then the LORD said, "Because the outcry against Sodom and Gomor'rah is great and their sin is very grave, I will go down to see whether they have done altogether according to the outcry which has come to me; and if not, I will know." So the men turned from there, and went toward Sodom; but Abraham still stood before the LORD. Then Abraham drew near, and said, "Wilt thou indeed destroy the righteous with the wicked? Suppose there are fifty righteous within the city; wilt thou then destroy the place and not spare it for the fifty righteous who are in it? Far be it from thee to do such a thing, to slay the righteous with the wicked, so that the righteous fare as the wicked! Far be that from thee! Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?" And the LORD said, "If I find at Sodom fifty righteous in the city, I will spare the whole place for their sake." Abraham answered, "Behold, I have taken upon myself to speak to the Lord, I who am but dust and ashes. Suppose five of the fifty righteous are lacking? Wilt thou destroy the whole city for lack of five?" And he said, "I will not destroy it if I find forty-five there." Again he spoke to him, and said, "Suppose forty are found there." He answered, "For the sake of forty I will not do it." Then he said, "Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak. Suppose thirty are found there." He answered, "I will not do it, if I find thirty there." He said, "Behold, I have taken upon myself to speak to the Lord. Suppose twenty are found there." He answered, "For the sake of twenty I will not destroy it." Then he said, "Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak again but this once. Suppose ten are found there." He answered, "For the sake of ten I will not destroy it." And the LORD went his way, when he had finished speaking to Abraham; and Abraham returned to his place.

 We are so focused on ourselves. Recently I asked several acquaintances & friends if they had experienced miracles & all had but all the miracles were personal miracles. There were no miracles of conversion, no miracles of healing others, no miracles of feeding others. All their stories of miracles focused on what God had done for each of them. Some spoke of praying for a year or more before receiving their miracles but God came through. It makes me wonder, what if we put all that prayer & desire into converting those who don't know Christ? What if we prayed & sacrificed & fasted on behalf of our brothers & sisters who suffer from attraction to persons of the same sex & ask Christ to help them carry their cross, ask Him to show us how to be Simon of Cyrene for them? What if we prayed for the healing of nations? There is so much corruption, beginning w/ our own country, & so few to come together & pray, fast & sacrifice. What if we began by praying for God to heal our nation & then focus on every nation on earth until corruption was gone?

Is God limited to giving us such things as new cars & the right job & clothing & spouses? Is this not the God who can & does do everything? He has created everything, constricted Himself into human form, lived w/ us & died to save us. He overcame death itself & rose to life again. In the early Church, there were thousands baptized everyday. There were miracles of healing, miracles of peace - personally & within nations. Why do we behave as if our God has become impotent? Why are we not praying & fasting & sacrificing miracles into existence? Particularly the miracles Christ commanded us to ask for?

These are the questions I have been asking myself & this is the reason that for the next year, I shall be devoting most of my blogging energy to Ten Righteous Men. I've always been stupid, a fool. I believe in miracles; God is absolutely real to me. So we'll see what happens in one year. I'm seeking ways to fast & sacrifice even though I'm ill. I won't be sharing most those sacrifices because such things ought not be broadcast but perhaps from time to time, I'll offer some examples. I do invite you to join me, leave comments. suggest intercessions, suggest whatever God brings to mind. In a year's time, let God find at least ten righteous men, perhaps He will spare us & perhaps we will see Him do greater works than we ever imagined. God bless.

The Issue Is Sin (Part 2)

We The Whipped (Part 2)

Posted by Ann Barnhardt - November 12, AD 2011 11:02 PM MST

Jefferson, and the rest of the Founders, knew that they had a choice laid out before them. They could either revolt against tyranny or surrender to it. We are facing exactly the same choice right now, except that the tyranny that we are now facing is far, far worse than anything Jefferson and the Founders were facing. King George never tried to tax the Colonists on their mere existence, as ObamaCare does. King George never tried to force the Colonists to embrace and celebrate sexual perversion. King George never tried to force the Colonists to pay for and even participate in abortion. King George never attempted to import and establish the satanic scourge of islam in the Colonies.

We are so far past and beyond the “long train of abuses and usurpations” that the Colonists and Founders experienced and which necessitated the Revolutionary War that they aren’t even visible in the rear-view mirror. I dare say that being a Colonist in 1775 did not, by definition, break eight of the Ten Commandments or put a person is a probable state of mortal sin.

And so back to the core premise: the government can’t make you do anything. There is always an alternative, and at a certain point, the alternative of non-compliance is not only available, it is REQUIRED. Read the Declaration:

“But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”

It is our right and our DUTY to throw off this government. It is not legitimate and does not possess the consent of the governed, and thus has NO AUTHORITY. This is not to say that this government does not have power – yes it still does have power, but it has NO AUTHORITY. At this point, the only way it can continue to operate is by means of violent coercion, namely property confiscation, imprisonment and execution. This is YOUR country: thieving, murdering criminals running utterly amok, holding their power only through violent coercion and the threat of violent coercion. And it could all be brought to a screeching halt tomorrow if We The People would just turn that intellectual corner and realize that the unjust laws of an illegitimate government need not and should not be followed. They have no power over us. We have power over them, because they derive their JUST powers from the consent of the governed. Withdraw the consent, and the power is gone. Anything remaining is therefore, by definition, UNJUST, and thus must be “abolished” and “thrown off”, to use Jefferson’s words.

Of course you can own and carry a gun. You have the God-given right to your life, and the right to protect yourself, your family and your property. No one can ever, ever take that right away from you except YOU. The state can pass as many laws as it wants banning gun ownership and bearing, but every single one of those laws is illegitimate, and thus should not be followed.

How can the government force you to accept Sharia law, or any evil satanic system? Only YOU decide what you do or do not accept. Obama could write an Executive Order tomorrow declaring that the musloid screech to prayer be blasted from loudspeakers in every city and town five times per day, and the only true use or value that Executive Order would have is as toilet paper. Obama can’t make you accept Sharia law any more than he can make you fly like Superman.

ObamaCare can only force you out of business if you COMPLY with it. The government can only force you into mortal sin if you COMPLY and CONSENT. Obama can mandate that we all buy health insurance, and that all insurance policies cover abortion and contraception. And we can all laugh in his face. His fat wife can further mandate that we all eat celery sticks and tofu on Mondays and Thursdays, and we can likewise laugh in her painted-up-thicker-than-a-tranny face. These people have no power over us. They are slack-jawed, carney-trash gutter filth, and nothing more. Any power they have over us is power that we must specifically consent to give to them. I withdraw my consent. You got a problem with that, Barry? Molon labe.

Finally, back to the theological aspect of all of this, because that’s how I roll up in here. Look at a Crucifix. What you are seeing in a Crucifix is the stark horror of your own freedom and personal sovereignty. You are free to choose, as is every single being made in the image of God. We are so free that God consents to allowing us to choose to torture and kill Him. Oh, yes, we always, always have a choice. And now, because we have allowed it, the choice now stands as this: Either choose to spare yourself the wrath of an evil, illegitimate government or choose to scourge and crucify Christ. Pick up the flagellum and lean into Him. Skin Him. Make Him bleed and shake in pain. Then pick up that hammer and those nails and drive them in. Feel the bones in His feet and ankles crunch as you pound that nail in. And as you’re doing this, look Him in the eye with a big sh**-eating grin on your face. Tell Him how you have no choice, because it’s either this, or you might lose your job, or your 4000 square foot house. And that’s not even a contest, right? I mean, who WOULDN’T torture and kill their best friend, brother, father, spouse, creator and savior in order to stay in the good graces of the IRS and keep a job or a pension income?

The choice is yours. It always has been and always will be. This life will only last for a few more decades at most. What comes after that is eternal. Choose wisely.

The Issue Is Sin (Part 1)

We The Whipped (Part 1)
Posted by Ann Barnhardt - November 12, AD 2011 11:02 PM MST (http://barnhardt.biz/)

I continue to be amazed at how many people in this culture, and most especially those on the “right”, seem to have completely and totally psychologically surrendered to the government. These are the phrases I keep hearing:

“The government makes us pay for abortions. We can’t be held responsible for something we are forced to do.”
“I can’t imagine what life will be like if they make us accept Sharia law.”
“ObamaCare is going to force me out of business.”
“I live in Chicago. They won’t let us have guns here.”
“If I want to keep my job, I have to go along with the diversity training crap.”
“I have to keep paying taxes. It’s all tied directly into my bank account. I have no choice.”

I think that people in this culture actually ENJOY being whipped by the government, because it allows them to delude themselves into believing that they bear no responsibility for anything beyond not burning the toast and making certain that the TiVo is set to record the big game. Given this truly effeminate and childish psychological orientation, it is little wonder that the following sentence – seven little words – strikes fear in the hearts of men and causes them to lash out in hatred and eventually violence:

The government can’t make you do anything.

Oh, the implications. The horrific, horrific implications. Actually, it’s even worse than that. NO ONE can make you do anything. Your employer can’t make you do anything. You can either attend the pro-homosexual, pro-musloid diversity seminar or QUIT YOUR JOB. Your wife can’t make you do anything. Your children can’t make you do anything. You could abandon them tomorrow if you so chose, which is exactly what 90+ percent of black men in the inner-cities have freely chosen to do.

And finally, the ultimate terror. While God COULD force you to do something, because He loves you, He will never, ever force you to do ANYTHING.

As much as you don’t want to believe it, as much as you want to fight it, deny it, and reject it, the inescapable truth of the matter is that you, along with every other human being, are a FREE, SOVEREIGN INDIVIDUAL.

Do I have to pay taxes? Of course not. What are the alternatives? Government confiscation of my assets would be the first alternative. Well, this would simply put me in solidarity with the MF Global customers who have also had their assets confiscated. So be it. The next step would be imprisonment. Fine. So be it. I acknowledge in truth that this is, in fact, the alternative. I do not lie to myself and tell myself that there is NO alternative. You people out there keep saying to yourself that there is NO CHOICE between the government and God because having your assets confiscated or going to prison is “impossible”, and therefore no choice exists. This is a lie. There IS a choice, and we are all being called to make that choice, here, now, in this moment.

Some people have said, “I have children. What do you expect me to do?” Well, I suppose I expect you to do exactly what Thomas Jefferson did. Jefferson wrote and signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776 when he was 33 years old. Writing and signing the Declaration made Jefferson, along with all of the signers, traitors and seditionists against King George III and the British Empire. This was a capital offense and pushed Jefferson and the rest of the Founding Fathers into the corner of either winning independence or dying at the end of a rope as a war trophy. At the time, his daughter Patsy was three years old. Not only did Jefferson sign the Declaration, he threw himself into the Revolutionary War and became Governor of Virginia. And while all of this was going on, Jefferson had five more children. Jane was born in 1774. A son was born and died within hours in 1777. Mary was born in 1778. Lucy was born in 1780 and died soon thereafter. Lucy Elizabeth was born in 1782. Jefferson’s home, Monticello, was a target of the British, and was in fact captured in 1781 by Cornwallis. Jefferson and his family managed to escape with only minutes to spare after being warned by a young Virginia militiaman. The British then destroyed everything except the main house. All of the crops, livestock and outbuildings were burned or seized.

Questions? The decadent freedom that you enjoy and are getting ready to piss away was largely made possible by a young man who was already financially established and the father of young children, pushing it all in and putting an enormous target on his own back. Heaven forbid that we should LEARN ANYTHING from history or FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE of those that came before us.

A New Experiment: What the Church Really Teaches on Socialism

I don't usually link to sites such as TFP Student Action because so often they are soliciting for funds. There are certain causes I believe in supporting but many sites seem to be part of the increasing the numbers of mail in my inbox & I don't want that to happen to you. This post doesn't ask for money & provides information that every Catholic ought to know. Namely, what the Church really teaches on socialism & those ideologies that are similar to socialism (i.e. fascism). There are links to excerpts of what the Holy Fathers have said from Pius IX in Nostis et Nobiscum to Benedict XVI in Deus Caritas Est. Every Pope in-between is included because, as Blessed John XXIII  said, “No Catholic could subscribe even to moderate socialism” He goes on to say:

“Pope Pius XI further emphasized the fundamental opposition between Communism and Christianity, and made it clear that no Catholic could subscribe even to moderate Socialism. The reason is that Socialism is founded on a doctrine of human society which is bounded by time and takes no account of any objective other than that of material well-being. Since, therefore, it proposes a form of social organization which aims solely at production; it places too severe a restraint on human liberty, at the same time flouting the true notion of social authority.” (Mater et Magistra, n. 34)

It always comes down to obedience. Will we be obedient to ourselves or obedient to the teaching of the Church? Will we see what is before our eyes or pretend that there is no attempt to make the America a socialist country? Whom will we obey? Whom do we follow? To whom is our allegiance? Yep, it's a matter of obedience. Click the links in the TFP article. Read all of the encyclicals noted on the page that tells us what the Popes have taught. Pray for enlightenment & to be obedient. It's hard to change, I who have changed so much know that. (I used to believe in socialism lite until I read what the Church teaches & decided to obey.) Now all Catholics in the USA, all Catholics in the world must decide whether to obey. We must become radically different people. We must become people of charity & love. We must give up believing that we can write a cheque or have taxes deducted & there ends our commitment to the poor because the state will handle everything. That is not charity. It is not obedience. That is an attempt to avoid discomfort. That is socialism, sometimes lite, sometimes totalitarian communism.

A New Experiment: My Miracle

each Wednesday, I'm supposed to inject myself w/ methotrexate, a chemo therapy drug that is a treatment on it's own & a part of the chemo treatment I have every 6 - 12 months. the problem is that I forget. it is just so odd to intentionally stab myself even though it usually doesn't hurt. it's icky but it's also something I must do. except, I am somethimes 1 - 3 days late & every so often, I miss an entire week. I know it's important & that left to myself I don't do very well so this week I asked God to remind me, then I forgot about it. yesterday morning I awoke & one of the large plastic bags that have the word "chemo" in large, bright yellow letters which my pharmacy uses to hold my tiny vials of medicine was propped up against my lamp on my nightstand. it held syringes & swabs so I assume it was one of the bags from the drawer where I keep my supplies. but last month, I cleaned that drawer so that all the syringes were in one bag & all the swabs were in the box of alcohol swabs. I may have missed a bag but it would have been down at the bottom. when I opened the drawer, everything was packed tightly as it had been the previous week. perhaps, I "walked in my sleep" (it wouldn't have been walking far) but I've never walked in my sleep before while taking this medicine. in fact, it knocks me out & getting my muscles to work so I can get up for any reason, even an emergency, requires so much effort, it wakes me & even awake, I must force each movement & look like Frankenstein in an old black & white film: I am always aware when I must get up after taking my sleeping medicine. needless to say, I didn't forget to stab myself & take my medicine yesterday. and however the bag got there, I plan to simply accept it as one of those small miracles God provides & not worry about whether He woke me w/o my knowing it or sent an angel or saint (or came Himself) & placed the bag there. He reminded me. that's what I asked Him to do & that's what He did. God is very good.

Sunday Snippets

The big issue this week is abortion. Partly, because I've been voluntold to assist the pro-life group at my parish but also because, as time passes, I find the issue of abortion is more & more important. As a nation, we must end abortion. Corruption is the #1 issue facing our country & abortion is the most corrupt act in which we engage. If it is acceptable to destroy babies in their mothers' wombs, then it is acceptable to commit any crime, engage in any sort of lawlessness - each of us may do anything we please. If we do not end it, abortion will destroy us.

Have a blessed Sunday.

NOTE: Please pray about the possibility of Congress using the equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment to make abortion illegal. It's a possibility I've only recently learned about & as I learn more, I'll post here, on my Facebook page & in my twitter feed; the latter is linked to this blog.

A Wise Young Woman, an Excellent Site & Ways to Help Keep Children Alive

If you're willing to learn the painful facts about abortion, if you're willing to move from feeling abortion is wrong to participating in the fight to end abortion, watch this video:



read this site. First make ending abortion a regular subject of prayer. It needn't be anything formal: I literally plead w/ God to help us end abortion. Then speak w/ the pro-life group at your church. If you don't have such a group, begin one. Google "how do I begin a pro-life group" or "crisis pregnancy services in [insert your city/town]." You'll find a wealth of information & help.

There is so much everyone can do, from making donations to actually helping women who would otherwise choose abortion. Those of us who have never married but who long to be parents can help mothers raise their children by offering everything from financial support to mentoring to babysitting every so often so that single mothers can get out of the house. It may not seem the same but just try it. You'll soon discover the joy of helping a child to live & adults to be free from the burden of having killed their own child.

A New Experiment: Hell Loses Again

This is an excruciatingly amazing recount of God's grace; of how He even reaches into the hells that others try to create for us, the hells we are convinced we can never escape & brings us into the freedom & protection of His loving & forgiving embrace. God is so very, very good!

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/abused-bishop-ready-to-forgive/story-e6frg6n6-1226133531732

Sunday Snippets: Lesser Known Catholic Mystics

Physically, my health has been poor for some time (though you'd never know to look at me); I've had difficulty swallowing for months & have been on a mostly liquid diet. Spiritually, I'm experiencing an interesting time. I really don't know how to describe it. It's as if I'm on the verge of something. There's some writing I'm preparing to do that is dredging up memories, experiences, things that I once valued & thought were lost, more than I know how to express. For example, singing has always been a very important part of my life. As a child, when I first came to this country, I sat alone reading books & singing songs to God. I sang in school & church choirs & even studied opera as a young woman in New York. A life on the stage was not at all appealing to me so opera was soon ruled out but music was not; music has always been part of my prayer life. In looking through some of my writing, I was reminded that I had written a number of songs, prayers, psalms - I wanted to sing to God the music in my heart. Illness pushed music to the background but being a parishioner at an Anglican Use parish, where, week after week, we sing the Psalm in Anglican plainchant & where hymns are well-written & thoughtfully chosen has begun to reconnect me to singing as a central way to praise & pray to God. Last week, I bought myself a gift, a piano/keyboard; it arrived Thursday & a friend kindly came over yesterday & helped me set it up. I played a few chords but feel almost afraid of it. There is new music inside me, music born of my return to the Church & my deepening understanding of the gifts God has so generously bestowed upon me. It frightens me: only music or dance could express the longing, the gratitude, the love. Is it possible for a mere human to write of that love?

As a child, I found an old children's missal & hid it under my mattress along w/ a copy of The Song of Bernadette. The missal was definitely pre-Vatican II & out of date when I found it. I've been looking for online for something similar but haven't had much luck yet - all the missals I find in my price range are post-Vatican II. So I continue to look. Then today, my friend, Dawn Eden sent me a link to a post about Nellie Organ, whom I'd never encountered before. Her story touches something very deep inside me; another child who is friends w/ my Friend. I am almost envious because her life was not marred by sin as my life has been. Almost, but not quite. I will accept the life I've been given & trust my Friend to continue to be the Friend He's always been.

I have no idea what is going on or where any of it will lead. I know I will follow though, I must admit, it feels as if it is tearing me apart. I will follow. What else would I do? Where else could I go? I am like a young child riding on her Father's foot, clinging to his leg. This is where I belong, no matter where the trip takes me. This is where I am happy to be. And if I'm not particularly happy every moment, this is the only place that I have hope to become happy. And it's a great foot, big enough for many, many riders. And maybe I could work on uncovering the mysteries of the Holy Foot.

Oh yes, Dawn has a new book, My Peace I Give You, that is expected this spring. I was honoured not only to read it but to give feedback as she was engaged in writing. It promises to be a source of healing for many, many who have been abused or have abused themselves. Plan now to read it whether or not abuse has had any place in your life.

Oh yes two, it seems I'll be undergoing another round of chemo soon. Prayers for that & for everything in my life these days.

A New Experiment: Ezekiel 22

This morning, I first read:

Moreover the word of the LORD came to me, saying, "And you, son of man, will you judge, will you judge the bloody city? Then declare to her all her abominable deeds. You shall say, Thus says the Lord GOD: A city that sheds blood in the midst of her, that her time may come, and that makes idols to defile herself! You have become guilty by the blood which you have shed, and defiled by the idols which you have made; and you have brought your day near, the appointed time of your years has come. Therefore I have made you a reproach to the nations, and a mocking to all the countries. Those who are near and those who are far from you will mock you, you infamous one, full of tumult. "Behold, the princes of Israel in you, every one according to his power, have been bent on shedding blood. Father and mother are treated with contempt in you; the sojourner suffers extortion in your midst; the fatherless and the widow are wronged in you. You have despised my holy things, and profaned my sabbaths. There are men in you who slander to shed blood, and men in you who eat upon the mountains; men commit lewdness in your midst. In you men uncover their fathers' nakedness; in you they humble women who are unclean in their impurity. One commits abomination with his neighbor's wife; another lewdly defiles his daughter-in-law; another in you defiles his sister, his father's daughter. In you men take bribes to shed blood; you take interest and increase and make gain of your neighbors by extortion; and you have forgotten me, says the Lord GOD. "Behold, therefore, I strike my hands together at the dishonest gain which you have made, and at the blood which has been in the midst of you. Can your courage endure, or can your hands be strong, in the days that I shall deal with you? I the LORD have spoken, and I will do it. I will scatter you among the nations and disperse you through the countries, and I will consume your filthiness out of you. And I shall be profaned through you in the sight of the nations; and you shall know that I am the LORD."

My eyes focused on the words, "bloody city," and I thought, 'abortion'! Then I read the New Jerome Biblical Commentary: "sheds blood: This accents the violence committed against others by the powerful, which will lead to all the other offenses listed in the following verses."

Ezekiel 22 continues at verse 23:

And the word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, say to her, You are a land that is not cleansed, or rained upon in the day of indignation. Her princes in the midst of her are like a roaring lion tearing the prey; they have devoured human lives; they have taken treasure and precious things; they have made many widows in the midst of her. Her priests have done violence to my law and have profaned my holy things; they have made no distinction between the holy and the common, neither have they taught the difference between the unclean and the clean, and they have disregarded my sabbaths, so that I am profaned among them. Her princes in the midst of her are like wolves tearing the prey, shedding blood, destroying lives to get dishonest gain. And her prophets have daubed for them with whitewash, seeing false visions and divining lies for them, saying, `Thus says the Lord GOD,' when the LORD has not spoken. The people of the land have practiced extortion and committed robbery; they have oppressed the poor and needy, and have extorted from the sojourner without redress. And I sought for a man among them who should build up the wall and stand in the breach before me for the land, that I should not destroy it; but I found none. Therefore I have poured out my indignation upon them; I have consumed them with the fire of my wrath; their way have I requited upon their heads, says the Lord GOD."

In our time, we tend to focus on one or two issues often because we can't take in all the information that comes our way. It's important to remember that the five Catholic non-negotiables: abortion, euthanasia, embryonic stem cell research, cloning & any attempts to redefine marriage, are the minimum from the Church's social teaching to which we must assent in order to be in communion w/ the Church. But, they are not the limit of those crimes that cry out to God for vengeance. In fact, another crime that cries out to God is violence on the part of those in power against those being governed, those over whom one has power: it's as if Ezekiel 22 is a foreshadowing of the servant role that government is supposed to exercise.

At least 500 longshoremen stormed the Port of Longview about 4:30 a.m., broke out windows in the guard shack and — as longshoremen wielding baseball bats and crowbars held six guards hostage — others cut brakelines on box cars and dumped grain, according to Longview Police Chief Jim Duscha.

"We're not surprised," Duscha said. "A lot of the protesters were telling us this in only the start."

We live in a time when there have been calls for violence against members of the tea party & against those who don't agree w/ the people in power. Not long ago, the tea party was accused of using violent rhetoric. Now, those in power & those who feel they have the protection of the powerful (such as some union leaders) are calling out for violence against those who disagree w/ them.* And, some are responding to those calls (the article cited is only one instance; there are others).

Perhaps they don't know that their sins cry out to God. Natural law precludes taking a few men hostage while vandalizing & destroying the property of those with whom one disagrees. Perhaps they don't have any understanding of natural law. Perhaps they don't know the difference between right & wrong. We ought not be surprised, if one can kill a baby in his mother's womb, then it's easy to rationalize engaging in violence against adults & private property. We must pray for those who call others to violence & for those who engage in acts of violence. We must engage in acts of penance on their behalf because they are sorely in need of a change of heart.

Things changed with Christ. We became empowered to suffer on behalf of others, just as He did. We can "stand in the breach." There are many in our country who desperately need Christ's love & peace. Please, please, please, offer up prayers & sacrifices on behalf of all who use violence against the weak: on behalf of those who have & provide abortions & on behalf of those who call out for violence & lawlessness.

* I must be honest, a fringe group of persons involved w/ the Tea Party speaks of violence. Once in awhile, I visit their blogs & remind them that violence is not to be countenanced. Others make regular visits & engage such foolish people in long debates. I salute them but haven't the energy to wage such battles regularly.