Reflections on loving God, being Catholic, being a woman, being ill, loving life and anything else that comes to mind.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Potentially Magic Medicine

It's called a TNF inhibitor and is ultimately another form of chemo. I'm already taking methotrexate which is also a form of chemo. The medical cadre agree that it's going in the right direction - they disagree on whether this is the right treatment as well as on exactly what they're treating but all say it's the right direction.

The amazing one is my internist who tells me this may not work but that he knows I'll be okay making it through the next six weeks while we give it a try. He has come to know me over the past five years and is certain that even if I continue to be in pain, I will be okay. Doctors who trust me are not my part of my usual experience. My rheumatologist didn't believe I was seriously ill even though she was prescribing stronger and stronger doses of methotrexate and more and more pain medication until I broke down and was weeping so hard she couldn't make out what I was saying. And still, on the forms she rates me as "moderately ill." 'Tis a wonder.

I am so grateful that God led me to my internist - he's a hematologist/medical oncologist. His specialty is another wonderful thing because even though I don't have cancer, the treatments for serious rheumatological diseases and cancer are the same. And he's an expert! (And, because I'm more susceptible to certain cancers, he watches me like a hawk.)

God is very good. Very, very good. And my internist is right. I will be okay because I'm okay now. Had you asked me two years ago if I could withstand this amount of pain, I'd have said, "No f---ing way!" (And I would have actually used the "f" word - I'd have believed it appropriate.) Yet here I am, in constant pain with episodes of unbelievably intense pain along all sorts of other lovely experiences. (I'll have to remember to write about being hungry much of the time and the Ambien: "I want my lemon bars" experience.) My life is full of joy and laughter and great friends and lovely discoveries (I'll also have to write about shopping for heels while recovering from anaesthesia). There are so many prayers going up to God for me. Thank you all so much - your prayers are such lovely gifts. And there's suffering which God is combining with the suffering of others to fashion the perfect medicine to heal some horrid brokenness in the hearts of my brothers and sisters – medicine that is gloriously efficacious; perhaps a few others who don't know him are coming to know him partly because of my experience.

I hope the new medication works. Whether it does or not, God is very, very good and I am very, very fortunate.

7 comments:

Pia said...

I really hope and pray that this medicine will work out for you. You seem to be a bit better, as I see you are posting more often. It's good to have you around!

Drusilla said...

Thanks, Pia. It's easier to be around since I'm on disability right now. Work has a way of interfering w/ everything else.

Ambien Prescription Medication said...

My name is Cherise Kenner and i would like to show you my personal experience with Ambien.

I have taken for 1 years. I am 57 years old. Works great if I take it on an empty stomach, and get right into bed. If you take it and try to keep yourself awake, you can override the pill and be up all night.

Side Effects :
None.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Cherise Kenner

Ambien Prescription Medication said...

My name is Cherise Kenner and i would like to show you my personal experience with Ambien.

I have taken for 1 years. I am 57 years old. Works great if I take it on an empty stomach, and get right into bed. If you take it and try to keep yourself awake, you can override the pill and be up all night.

Side Effects :
None.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Cherise Kenner

ambien said...

I started taking Ambien about 3 years ago. When I first took it I did make the random phone calls and would eat in my sleep but it worked. I only took it when I absolutely needed to. I stopped for about a year then the insomnia started again and I took it again and the side effects weren't there. I still take it every once in a while when I really need it (maybe once a month) and the side effects are still gone. Just sleep and I don't feel groggy in the morning.

zolpidem dangerous said...

I have been using Ambien for several years. I take it quite often. I have always had sleep problems and have found that with use of Ambien I sleep on a regular schedule, and do not have to sleep during the day because I was up most of the night before. Overall, I have found Ambien to be a real help to my overall well-being and general health. The problem I am concerned about is: More than two years ago I had a couple of situations where I got up in the night and ate sandwiches, potato chips, and one time made a bloody mary and drank it without any recollection the next day. Recently, I got up in the night and wrote bizarre emails to several people.

Drusilla said...

@zolpidem dangerous,

yes, Ambien can be dangerous. I ate food in my sleep & when I began cooking it too, my doc switched me to Restoril. It knocks me out, is not at all easy to override (I've literally sat down for a moment & the next thing I know it's 4 a.m.) but it hasn't caused me to sleepwalk in 2 years. My rheumatologist told me about a patient who made long, involved phone calls in her sleep which sounds similar to your emails. You should see your doc immediately, report sleep walking & emailing & go off Ambien. Some people can take it safely, others can't. You & I can't. There are other possibilities, Restoril being just one.